Oxy Moron, Contributor

I do not see any reason why some people are bent on creating much fuss about a certain type of fertiliser. Have they noticed how certain ground provisions and vegetables are bigger and tastier of late?

And why, do they think, the dogs in certain communities look so well fed? Do they believe they survive on expensive canine chows. No! These dogs have their daily servings of the fertiliser. A mean, they are gully creepers. And so Verna should not be complaining about her dog suffering under Labour.

Nourishing plants

The fishes in Kingston Harbour have long been feeding on fertiliser washed down from uptown in black scandal bags. Yet, there's no epidemic. And people in some rural areas have been nourishing plants with a certain manure for ages, and we flock to the markets every Saturday.

Now that I am sitting on the heap of redundancy, I have an idea to start my own fertiliser business, so that I can supplement the imported type. I am certain that mine will be much better than the foreign type because we Jamaicans are known for eating good food.

But since I don't want any puss, dog and john crow to invade my premises, I am going to make sure that my fertiliser doesn't have any pungent aroma. The fertiliser from flesh-eaters will not be accepted, nor will that supplied by rum-drinkers.

My suppliers must be on a strict diet of fruits, nuts and vegetable, complemented with vitamin and mineral supplements. Because, my fertiliser much be rich with nutrients so that I can sell it at premium prices. Not even that produced by rat bats should compete with mine, since the diets of my suppliers will be varied and more enriched. Just imagine how bountiful your yield of cassava would be. And the bitter ones will become sweet, and the sweet ones will be even sweeter!

What is the fuss about?

So, what is the fuss about? Let's resurrect our entrepreneurial spirits and get into the business of fertiliser production. It's the age of recycling. And should we fall short on the mainland, the minister only has to take a boat ride over to Pedro Cays. On the sparkling white sands, there is an abundance of sun-baked fertiliser, deposited by man, woman and child. All of that is going to waste. For the birds that nest thereon are no dodo birds; they are fish-eaters. Alas!

oxydmoron@gmail.com