KELLY

The first time the Spanish came to this fair isle, things didn't work out so well for those they found.

The Tainos (first the history books told us they were Arawaks, but anyway) didn't have any fun but, all things considered, like the fact that we still have the Spanish influence and our relationship with Spanish-speaking countries, Jamrock didn't turn out so bad. The second coming of the Spanish took the form of all the hotels that the various tourism groups established. Sometimes I wonder where all the land space came from; it's like the island just grew more acres.

Of course, like the first time there was a Spanish 'invasion', things weren't so smooth this time around either. The talk about environment damage, non-adherence to building codes, worksite protests, accidents and duppies didn't make life sunny at all, but with those issues worked out (except maybe the duppies), and more investments coming from Spain and more Spanish tourists choosing Jamrock, things look a fair bit more rosy.

So, with that background, King Juan Carlos I and Queen Sofia came last week to see just what we've done with our piece of the world. The Kingston folk were their usual curious selves, 'hitch up' outside Parliament to see them. But the real fanfare came in Spain Town and out west where their majesties were even more 'royally' treated. But diplomatic, monarchical and general VIP visits have a few customs/protocol that I know are necessary but a little annoying.

Like the 'topanarises' who, though otherwise non-existent for the year, all of a sudden resurface like hibernating ursines and end up in all the photos? Not fair to the average Joe is it? Whenever the dignitaries come, they have to bestow our officials with stuff. Okay, so you're now a member of the royal order of excellence in service to the empire (or some other wording).

My very own kingdom

That sounds pretty fancy but you can't actually take it to the supermarket and get groceries. Plus, the visitors always get the keys to the cities. Someone asked me where is the door that the key opens but even if there were a door, why give them a key? Here's an idea: give them tangible stuff like T-shirts made by local fashion companies or, since we're in modern times, how about a DVD with the latest dance moves? Can you imagine the king and queen gully creeping? That might take some doing.

But with all this royal talk, I think I'd like to be a ruler of somewhere. Sir Daviot the Mystified, ruler of the Kingdom of Loservania sounds pretty catchy to me. What do you think?

Crown me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com