Dear Counsellor:

My 16-year-old son is giving problems at home and at school. He is disruptive, defiant and aggressive. He gets into fights, smokes ganja and stays out late at night and also is unable to read. I need help.

- Marjorie

Dear Marjorie:

Your son seems to have conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and substance abuse, among other things. He will need assessment and counselling. There are private counsellors and public child guidance clinics to help with these problems.

Behavioural problems are common in underachieving adolescents. Many times this happens because the adolescents are not learning, therefore they give problems in the classroom. They are inattentive, unruly, talkative and disruptive. The teacher has a problem in managing the classroom and so no learning or teaching takes place.

Many boys have learning disorders, especially reading disorders. Their self-esteem is affected and they become sensitive and aggressive towards others. As adults, we need to be aware of our interaction with these students. These students lack social skills, manners and respect for others. Both adults and students use inflammatory words to each other and so conflicts arise. We need to be selective in our words and try to pour oil on troubled waters.

Choose words carefully

Two wrongs don't make one right. Therefore, the adults, although sorely tempted and provoked, should choose their words carefully when dealing with adolescents who have behavioural problems. Many of the adolescents feel that the adults do not like them and wish that bad things will happen to them. Some children with behavioural problems must be viewed as angry and frustrated individuals who are reacting to poor treatment by society. We cannot give up on our children and everyone can benefit from a second chance. Nationally, we can all benefit from the use of non-inflammatory words and treat each other with respect.

In disciplining and correcting others, we need to be teaching self-control and personal achievement.

Tired and stressed

Dear Counsellor:

My mother has Alzheimer's and she is posing great difficulty for me. I feel tired and exhausted because of the situation. Is there a home in which I can place her?

- Stacy

Dear Stacy:

Caretaking is difficult and Alzheimer's is a progressive disease. There are many nursing homes with different levels of supervision and different levels of independence of the clients. Ask friends and relatives for information about the various nursing homes. The telephone directory has a listing of nursing homes.

'Once a man, twice a child.' Taking care of ill parents or relatives is not an easy task. You may feel angry, guilty, embarrassed, afraid or helpless about the situation. Recognise that illnesses are a part of life's journey. You need patience and tolerance to deal with sicknesses. Get help from relatives, friends and church brethren. It is no crime to ask for help from others. We have to be our brother's keepers. We are interdependent individuals so we need to have a support system.

As a caregiver, you need to attend to your health and sanity, try to get eight hours of sleep each night and get regular check-ups to ensure that your blood pressure and blood sugar are within normal limits. Take vitamins and other supplements to support your immune system. Pray daily and thank God for His many blessings.

For great advice on family and other life problems, call Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson at 978-8602 or email:yvonniebd@hotmail.com