Jennifer-Keane Dawes, Gleaner Writer

Me dear mam:

De other day eena Thanksgiving season gone me in a dis supermarket a shop. Up an dung inna de midst a de heap a people dem a shoob dem big ole frozen turkey. Like any dead man pon han cart. An not even a look weh dem a go. Cho. Missis, nuh matter how long me lib a fareign, me can neva get ova dem an de spectacle a dat deh sinting deh. For how it suppose fe taste? When Thanksgiving a when day light? An dat deh sinting deh haffi go eena some walk-bout-a-road-smady bath tub go taw out?

But me dear mam, as me a try bob an weave mongst de people dem, all on a sudden me hear dis helleba noise. Like two smady a cuss. Loud. Pon de top a dem voice. An when me look, everyman start run in a any direction foot seh run. Wid dem turkey. A frighten till a nayly drap dung! But weh yu believe happen inna backra residential supermarket?

Box an kick

Nuh fight dis white man an black ooman dress to puss foot come een deh come bruck! A roll an box an kick an tump a dutty like any primary school pickney. One sinting! Well, wid me heart a flatter, an police a run come wid dem han pon gun, fe mek me heart flatter more. Me call me madda a yard same time. Das if shat ketch me she fuss woulda know.

For missis mam, believe you me, de lass time me really see a man beat a ooman like dat, was when me was a lilly, lilly pickney an dis fisherman used to kill him wife wid beaten every evening him come home pon da bicycle wid de box a sell an lef fish. Massyful fahda. If me did tell yu a ready bear wid me. But if him tell de ooman good evening an she ansah, him beat har. An if she nuh ansah, him beat har. If she gi'm de food hot, him beat har. If she gi'm cold, him beat har. Kick har dung a grung till him same one haffi throw water pon har fe revive har. Which mek yu wonder, wah mek ooman put up wid dem man deh?

Har kanshanse: "Mary! Mary had a little lamb! Wah mek yu nuh lef Brown Man? Yu a go gwone an gwone till him kill yu?"

Mary: "When him ready him bax me. But mek me nack board. A ongle de han back him use. An a dis three an four time a week."

Har kanshanse: "Wah mek yu mek him talk to yu suh? Yu nuh si seh something very wrang?"

Mary: " Nutten nuh wrang man. A suh him talk. Me used to him."

Har kanshanse: "Yu cyan lib suh yu know. Why yu nuh get a wuk an help yuself?'

Mary: "Him jalas bad. Him seh him wi mine me. Plus, weh me a go wear? For him nuh like dis an him nuh like dat. An him like know who me a talk to."

Har Kanshanse: "It eva crass yu mine seh a nuh suh good man behave? An yu fe lef him?

Mary: "Well a dat deh time me woulda si six foot six. For if him neva love me, him wouldn't jalas. An if him neva jalas, him oodn lick me an rough me. Talkin dis an talking dat, me a go mix some egg an guiness stout fe him now. For him soon come fram work."

Me dear mam, if yu eva si Mary had a little lamb, or Mary Cow Tail or whasover har name is come a yu gate come complain, please cry excuse. For Massa God gi every man, an every ooman a kanshanse fe a reason. Fe mek de right choice. Tek care!

Dr Jennifer Keane-Dawes has been appointed Interim Dean of the School of Graduate Studies at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore, a constituent institution of the University of Maryland System. Send your email to: jkd876@yahoo.com.