Angela Philipps, Gleaner Writer

No one can deny that the end of a love affair is a very sad time. If not for both parties, then for one person at least. If you've had a boyfriend or girlfriend before now, then one can safely assume that you have indeed been through a break-up.

Did you instigate it yourself, or was it brought down on you like a ton of bricks? If the former was the case, was it the 'hardest thing' you've had to do? If the latter is true, did you just want to crawl into your bed and hide under the sheets forever? Some of you might well have experienced both sides, while others only one. Whichever the scenario, why were these relationships called off?

I've been in several situations with men where things have failed. Even the endings that hurt the most happened with good reason. They generally come from the following:

1. We brought out the worst in each other.

2. We grew apart.

3. One person fell out of love.

4. One person fell in love with someone else.

5. Our morals were very different.

6. We didn't get along with each other's family and friends.

7. One guy treated me so badly, that even though I was madly in love with him, I was relieved when things were terminated for good.

8. Another guy had a problem with body image - his and mine. I wasn't curvy enough for him.

9. A couple men cheated on me.

10. We realised that we were more like siblings than lovers.

The truth is, if a fellow no longer wants to spend time with me, then I have no desire to be with him either. I'd rather shrivel up in lonely misery than tag along behind a man who is indifferent to my presence, or worse, who is wishing that I would disappear! It's really rather embarrassing to go out with someone when you both know, and probably all their friends as well, that the love is completely one-sided.

What I do for the first few days is stay at home, unless I have work, of course, and watch my favourite old comedies on television, like Mash and Three's Company, while I chomp on popcorn. I don't answer my phone, but if a girlfriend comes to visit, I will not turn her away. There's nothing like a glass of wine and a bit of men bashing! For the record, I completely encourage the 'lost' lads to be doing the same thing. I use the word 'lost' because that's exactly what I feel like during these emotionally trying circumstances. However, deep down I always know that somehow I will get through it. I have before, so I will again. It's a lot harder to get over your first love, but once you have that history, the next will be a breeze in comparison.

It helps to make a list of all the things that were wrong between the two of you. Don't be afraid to write down everything that annoyed you about that person, and all the occasions he or she was inconsiderate and selfish. Constantly remind yourself that it obviously wasn't meant to be. If it was, you'd still be together now. Most important, do not keep in contact with him or her.

I know, it's easier said than done. It's so tempting to keep calling this person you were so close to, to ask mutual friends how he or she is, or go to all those places where you know your ex will be hanging out. It's going to take self-control, but you must not do this. Stop. Think. Why did you break up? Because the romance was broken!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com.

RESPONDING TO ANGELA

For her piece - Would you date someone with a terrible vocabulary? - carried in Outlook last week, one reader gave Angela Philipps a fine tongue-lashing. Another reader, a bit 'lippy', was not so caustic. Read on: