Heather Little-White, PhD Gleaner Writer

The spark that makes a relationship feel like it can work is referred to as sexual chemistry. Nature uses sexual chemistry to help persons strike up a bond in an intimate relationship and to facilitate procreation. It is also natures way of bonding two parents to create a healthy environment for a newborn. Sexual chemistry is the sudden rush of feeling you get when you are attracted to someone special.

Sexual chemistry is neurochemistry relating to complex hormonal activity that takes place in the brain when you are in romantic whirl.

The chemicals in the brain linked to love are phenylethylamine, norepinephrine and dopamine. Working through the sympathetic nervous system, these chemicals heighten activity in the body, resulting in rapid pulse, increased heart rate, increased perspiration, shaking, feelings of happiness and excitement, the desire to talk and overcoming feelings for shyness so you can make an advance.

Animal instincts

It is not definitive as to what makes a member of the opposite sex turn you on. Anthropologists believe that despite our civilised lifestyles, men and women still court according to basic animal instincts. Animals secrete behaviour-stimulating chemicals called pheromones to attract their mates. The manufacture of perfumes, lotions, creams, and scented oils capitalise on the animal instinct of pheromones to boost sexual attraction.

Long before you start looking for a partner, sexual chemistry starts to develop in the teen years. During puberty, girls receive a huge surge of oestrogen which releases oestrogen and dopamine. These create intensity for forming friendships during the teen years. Women who date would have experienced how to deal with the chemistry that takes place in the body.

Sex signals

How will you know that the sexual chemistry is working? Men and women send each other sex signals all the time. According to anthropologists, both men and women may instinctively lift their shoulders when they find someone attractive.

Other sex signals include tilting the head with a slight movement down and to the side to communicate coy interest. Eyes blink faster and uncontrollably, a cue that the attraction is intense.

When you are attracted to someone, it is hard to look away quickly and a slightly lingering look that exceeds the two-second limit definitely signals attraction.

Leaning your upper body forward sends the message that you would like to get closer, especially if you are sitting across the table from your mate.

The silent language of attraction are sex codes that will determine who finds your spark. Sexual chemistry is about feelings your bodys reaction on a subconscious level.

Sexual chemistry is real, as men and women are ultimately controlled by their animal impulses but, unlike others of the animal kingdom, humans can control those urges for an appropriate time for creative sexual expression.

Creating a connection

How do you work with your mate to enhance you sexual chemistry? It means creating a connection:

n Make sure that your man understands the importance of trust and affection.

n Women are different from men and require safety and security to boost their sexual desire.

n Loving give-and-receive touches.

n Learn what relaxes your mate warm bath, sensual music, fragrant incense, a slow massage and a foot rub.

n Put problems aside and let you and you partner submerge yourselves in the chemical stew that Mother Nature created for you to enjoy so you can savour the sensations, connection, peace and the renewal of making deeper, expansive love to live up to your expectations.

Gut-level attraction

For sustained attraction, gut-level sexual attraction follow five progress points. (Ullman 1995)

1. The initial approach where partners, even when shy, tend to move physically close and your instincts tell you how close to get usually about six feet.

2. If the chemistry is working, the male partner will look at his female partner with interest, quite distinct from a stare. Staring does not have a role in sexual attraction because you need the tenderness and anxiety that go hand in hand with a casual, loving look.

3. Conversation is important at this stage, which brings with it the element of eye contact. As such, partners move closer together physically about 18inches to three feet apart. During this phase, you garner clear information about your partner as it relates to educational and social status. You will also determine sexual etiquette and what comprises respect from your mate. The liaison could end at this point if you feel uncomfortable with any aspect of your interaction.

4. If you move behind stage three, you are ready for touching, starting out with light, fleeting gestures, such as a touch on the hand or a shoulder squeeze to convey appreciation. Touching may cause a person to like you far more.

5. This stage is one of synchrony where, if both mates are mutually attracted to each other, they will unconsciously move in unison, falling into a pattern of doing things together without any effort.