Oxy Moron, Contributor

For years ago, I presided over another Force, not really doing much, just sitting and twiddling my thumbs.

Now, I have found myself in a mess. No, not the type you find in the other Force, but the cesspool, a set of news-carriers, rumour-mongers and the whole gamut, who would love to see the back of me.

These men and women are so skilful; they always come out the victors whenever they are attacked. What do you expect from people who were only trained for six months?

Now, I know the rut was always there, and though I harboured ambitions of eradicating it, it wasn't until I settled that I realised I had undertaken a task of Herculean proportions, to clean the Augean cesspool.

Might I remind you of the fifth labour of Hercules? Well, Eurystheus ordered Hercules to clean up King Augeas stables. Hercules knew this job would mean getting dirty and smelly, but sometimes even a hero has to do these things. Then Eurystheus made Hercules task even harder; he had to clean up after the cattle of Augeas in a single day.

Now, King Augeas owned more cattle than anyone in Greece. Some say that he was a son of one of the great gods, and others believed he was a son of a mortal. Nevertheless, he was very rich, and he had many herds of cows, bulls, goats, sheep and horses.

Every night, the cowherds, goatherds and shepherds drove the thousands of animals to the stables.

Hercules went to King Augeas, and without telling anything about Eurystheus, said that he would clean out the stables in one day, if Augeas would give him a tenth of his fine cattle. Augeas couldn't believe his ears, but promised. Hercules brought Augeas son along to watch.

First, Hercules tore a big opening in the wall of the cattle-yard, where the stables were. Then he made another opening in the wall on the opposite side of the yard.

Next, he dug wide trenches to two rivers which flowed nearby. He turned the course of the rivers into the yard. The rivers rushed through the stables, flushing them out, and all the mess flowed out through the hole in the wall on the other side of the yard.

Now, I am going to need more than two rivers to flush out the stench that is wreaking havoc upon my nostrils. I am going to need the entire Caribbean Sea. Then the environmentalists are going to come down hard on me, complaining about pollution, as if it werent there before the decision I took to come on-board.

But one thing is for sure, something definitely does not smell right. I might leave again. This time, it will be for real.

I am no Hercules. Do I look like a hero?

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