Salmon

The fourth instalment in our series from the book, Parenting a Child's Perspective, written by Dr Jaslin Salmon, continues with the parents. The next themes in the series: illness and death, siblings and parent-child relationship are also a must-read.

This morning Mom fixed a great breakfast. There was bacon, toast, scrambled eggs and, my favourite, cereal. After breakfast, Dad went to work and my sister went to school. Mom continued her work around the house. Both the house and I were tidied - Mom does this every day.

I don't like my bath when Mom's in a bad mood because then she doesn't let me play in the water. It's fun to play in the tub! I like the foam and the smell of the bubble bath. And I like to have some toys in the tub with me. This morning I asked Mom to let me play in the tub for a while and she said no.

"Why not Mom?"

"Because I have lots of things to do and I don't have time to stay with you while you fool around in the tub."

"You don't have to stay with me! I'm big now!"

Willing to change

Mom thought for a while. Then she told me it was OK with her. I've noticed something nice about Mom. She really thinks about what I say, and she's willing to change her mind. Maybe she'll leave me alone in the tub tomorrow, too. I'll play by myself like my big sister. And Mom will be able to do her housework without me in her way.

It's funny that Mom says I'm fooling around when I play in the tub. She likes to stay in the tub for a hundred hours. But when she does, she doesn't say she is fooling around; she says she is relaxing. Her bath water is always hot, so maybe that's the difference.

My Mom's not mad all the time. But boy! When she's mad, everything I do bothers her. I get yelled at, even for things I'm usually allowed to do. When she's like that, I get scared and lonely. I'm too afraid to run over and hug her. Instead, I get crabby and fussy about everything, I wish she would sit with me and tell me what's bothering her. Or just tell me that she's not mad at me. Then I wouldn't feel scared and lonely. I would give her my hug and maybe she would smile. Or she could bring a hug to me. If she did that, I would feel better. Even if she didn't want to tell me what was wrong. By the way, my Dad also gets mad. Sometimes when Dad gets home from work, he's really fussy. Then Mom keeps us away from him.

Hate children's words

I hate children's words - you know, words like please and sorry. I call them children's words because my sister and I have to use them. We're supposed to say 'please' whenever we are asking for something, and sorry when we're bad. Mom and Dad do millions of things we don't like. But they hardly ever say sorry to us. And when they want us to do something, they never say please. I wonder if parents know that we learn from what they do, and not so much from what they say. Sometimes I get real confused by all of this.

Well, my new friend, I'm really glad you're listening to me. But please (see, I remember that word), don't look so sad. There's another side to my parents. They're so much fun!

Both Mom and Dad take us out sometimes. We go to movies they think we'll enjoy. We go on spring and summer picnics and barbeque in the backyard. They're even good at games. They play hide-and-seek and treasure hunt with us. I like treasure hunt because Dad hides money sometimes and my sister and I play finders keepers. Did I tell you my parents are rich? I saw them count a pile of money once. It came from the bank. My father said it was $150! I hope all parents have so much money!

I'm happy when my parents get down on the floor to play with me. And when they lie on my bed to read to me, too. Then I can see their faces without having to look up. That's so nice once a while! I think I heard my Mom calling me. Wait a minute, please. I'll be back.

I'm back, but to say goodbye. My Mom wants to comb my hair and wash my face. We're going out for ice cream! Sure won't fuss about washing my face now. See you later!

Next week: What's the truth?

Dr Jaslin Salmon is a professor of sociology and is also trained in counselling and psychotherapy. He is currently president/CEO of the International Institute for Social, Political and Economic Change, in Kingston, Jamaica (www.iispec.org). The book can be purchased at Sangster's Bookstores, Kingston Book Shop, amazon.com and Trafford.com/07-1449.

POSITIVE Parenting