Kelly

As far as creations and inventions go, there are some absolute whoppers.

The automobile, the cellphone, among others, all play such integral roles in our lives, it's weird to think about life without them. But apart from the essentials, like food, water and air (and some inclination to a supreme being), there's one thing I could not live without; women!

Ah, yes, even though I don't have the best of luck with them (in fact, I have no luck with them), I still think they are God's best creation. I say nuff respect to monks and priests because I know I couldn't do what they do. Feeding and caring for the poor and indigent takes much commitment, but living without women? Now, that's tough!

And contrary to what I'm sure people are thinking by now, it has nothing to do with sex. Okay, that's a big part of it, but not the only thing (at least not for me). The absence of women in a location is not the ideal place for me to be hanging out. That's why I refused to attend an all-boys secondary school and why I have no intention of doing anything that will land me in (gasp!) prison! Being only 5' 7'', I'm sure I would be the girl the minute the cell door closes. I shudder at the thought! Imagine just being surrounded by so-so man; 24/7! Hell no!

Silent assassin

Sometimes, I'm walking through the office, face looking like a silent assassin. Most people, especially my male colleagues, know that that's not a good time for any 'reasoning', not even about my beloved sport; football. But along comes one of the angels and, guaranteed, a smile will appear. Might not be as radiant as it usually is ( I'm a jovial person, really), but it will come. Ah, the strength of a woman, indeed! Mark you, if the fine female begins to bother me with something completely different from what had me looking like an axe murderer, then she's going to get a reception colder than Siberia in winter. I might not explode but the steam might start to come through my ears.

Men may curse a woman for 'bad driving' them in traffic, but she might get an 'ease up', especially if she's remorseful and looks pretty. Girls can wrap their fathers around their fingers, but sons have no such skill with dad. Even politicians will use the gender and beauty of the candidate as reasons for the electorate to vote for her.

So, all you guys who like to hit/beat/overall abuse women, watch out. Me and the sensible males will be hunting you down like the bat excrement you are. And yes, that's the axe murderer talking! Peace.

Love the ladies with me at: daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com.