Sacha Walters, Staff Reporter

"It's starting to feel like every man in the world is married," said Jackie, a single woman; and all the men in those marriages are drawn to her.

Although the figures are exaggerated, the 27-year-old certainly feels as if they are accurate, judging from the number of married men she attracts.

"If I go out and 10 men approach me, eight of them are married and two of them are in steady relationships," said Jackie. This is regardless of where she meets them, be it at the supermarket, a shopping mall or popular drinking spots. She grapples with this frustrating occurrence constantly. It makes the prospect of finding a life partner even more daunting.

Usually, she is attracted to older men, as she has found that men her age or younger are often immature.

"I've entertained younger guys but they only break my heart anyway," she said. Another issue is the fact that she is a single parent. "Some just have a policy about not dating a woman with children," she said. An experience she has had more than once.

Different approach

The married man's approach comes in different forms. Some try to hide being married, while with others, it's either obvious by the ring on their finger or they tell her they are married but are still interested in some sort of relationship.

"I do reject them," she said of the married men. But when she was younger, she was in an 'on and off' relationship with a married man. It lasted for a year. Since then, she has been looking for a reliable man, who is emotionally and physically available. But her wish is eluding her.

Jackie said this is not exclusive to her. Many of her other friends experience the same problem but they end up in long-term relationships with these men.

"I've basically given up because you reach a point where yuh think nuttin' better nuh deh a John shop," she said.

"I really don't know what signals I'm sending out. Is there a sign on my forehead?" she questioned.

Figurative sign

According to psychotherapist and clinical sexologist, Sidney McGill, she just might be wearing a figurative sign and not know it.

"We communicate to the world by our posture, the tone of our voices and our facial expressions. So people are reading or misreading our signals every day," he said.

He said this happens much in the same way we send out signals of security or insecurity in obvious and covert ways. In the same way, we communicate other needs subliminally.

The first thing he would attempt to find out, working from a general perspective (he doesn't know the case personally), is about her relationship with her father.

"I would want to find out what her father-figure was like," he said and this may give some insight into why she's broadcasting her emotional yearnings.

"Maybe, consciously, she doesn't want a married man," Dr McGill said, adding, "(But) she might be subconsciously yearning for a father-figure, someone who is used to caring and providing." He explained that this may translate into a man who has already taken on a level of responsibility in the world. For some women, the financial security which lies with married men contributes to their being drawn to those men.

But all is not lost. Dr McGill said that if a woman realises she is sending out these signals, consulting a counsellor can help rectify the situation.

Through therapy, she would figure out where these yearnings come from and be given assignments to help fulfil some of her needs.

Name changed

sacha.walters@gleanerjm.com