Keisha Shakespeare-Blackmore, Staff Reporter

Recap: Last week,Gabrielle was worried that her unborn baby may be born with the HIV virus. Plus, her boyfriend's sister's boyfriend had been telling people in the community that she is HIV positive.

Though Gabrielle tries to keep optimistic despite her everyday challenges of being pregnant and HIV-positive, her situation is sometimes just too much to bear.

She said she often asks herself what to do when the chips are all down.

"As much as you try to have a positive outlook, when you look around you, there is no one who you can go to with your problem. No one who will understand," said Gabrielle.

She said even going to the support group meeting sometimes is a bit depressing. She notes that, at times, things that she thought she had dealt with resurface and cause her more pain.

Trapped

"Then even the smallest thing becomes a big issue. Then you are trapped."

She also notes that often, people say they are going to help her, but instead of helping, they exploit her.

"All that some people think of is how they can make money from our situation. They say they are helping you but they are only helping themselves."

She said she recalled being invited to a church to give a motivational talk. She said the pastor of the church promised that he would give her a love gift (donation for bus fare). But he did not live up to his promise.

She said after the service, she sat in the church waiting for the pastor. But a woman came to her and said she was closing up. Then, she went outside to wait some more.

"While I was waiting outside, I saw the pastor jump into his Pathfinder and sped off. I felt crushed. I could not believe a man of God would do that."

She said, often, she finds herself at a crossroads; she ponders whether to continue fighting the virus or to just give up and die. She said the only thing keeping her is her first child and the one growing inside her.

Name changed

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