The Editor, Sir:

Among my greatest pleasures is listening to and reading the English as done in my country.

Recently, I went to a popular hardware store and heard a customer asking for some door 'inches' and some 'ass and stable'. I jokingly told him that he could get the horse and stable at Caymanas Park, but door hinges and hasp and staples were sold in aisle four.

The supermarkets now stock 'tambran, eety-oti-apple and kissada'. When I told the customer that tamarind, otaheite and cassava were farther up the shelves he thought that my English could charm the heart of a rat bat!

Why did the Nigerian lecturer tell me that my English was poor because I told him that someone stuck the other with a knife. He told me that the correct word is jook! All words, he said, that begin with 'di' should be pronounced 'dyvorce' for 'divorce'.

Puzzled

I asked him to pronounce the word 'division' and he became rather puzzled. The clerk in the JPS office did not add my reconnection fee to my bill as she would 'deffa' it to the next bill!

I conclude by saying that all is not lost as we will always have a good handful of young ones who will not let us sigh in disbelief. I must also congratulate some of your writers such as Esther Tysm, the erudite Orville Taylor and the upcoming intellectual giant Raymond Pryce.

Finally, man shall not live by bread alone but by catchwords. Please advise the world that the word 'awesome' has 'overwhelming, phenomenal', etc, to describe great events or achievements.

I am, etc.,

DOUGLASSE BURRULACE

St Andrew