Angela Philipps, Gleaner Writer

Are you raising children on your own? Do you find that there are times when you simply want to tear your hair out, run away, or lie on the bed and cry?

I don't have any kids but, recently, I offered to look after my nieces and nephew for nearly two weeks. These children are not quite teens, and let me tell you, this is not an easy age. I have a new-found respect for the single parent.

Overwhelming

From the moment they wake up, until they have finally (appropriate word!) gone to bed in the evening, it is non-stop: the struggle to get them to brush their teeth, bathe with soap, put away their clothes, distinguish between the clean and dirty clothes, eat healthily, not sit in front of the television all day, and entertaining them, is overwhelming at the best of times. I don't know how a man or woman does it without the help of a partner. It's not like they have a choice, right?

Although I do not approve, I can understand why these singletons allow their sons and daughters to watch DVDs all day long. You have to get yourself into a routine, reiterate to your children how important it is for them to learn a little self-responsibility, and stick to it. Not that this only applies to single-parent families, but when you're doing it all on your own, it's absolutely necessary for your sanity.

And don't think for a moment that you have time to party, not unless you have an incredible family network or can afford a babysitter. Even if you can organise help for a night, you're so exhausted that you don't feel like going anywhere. Crawling into bed with a good book is just about all you can cope with. Perhaps, eating a bowl of cereal can be squeezed in before you crash out!

I'm not trying to imply that there aren't many rewards to having children. They are the most magical gift anyone could ask for. However, there are things that a lad or lass can do to ease the frustrations that come with single parenting.

Chances are that you know other people who are in the same situation as you. Try organising a group of you to get together and talk. The kids can all play together while you have some 'adult' time. Of course, this only works when everyone has some free time (i.e., not working).

Organisation

So, what do your kids do in the holiday time when you must be at your job? It takes a bit of organisation, but this is where communities of people ought to band together and help one another. A safe meeting place for all the children involved, to be dropped off at, maybe someone's house, and one older teenager or grown up to watch them for the day. If there are enough of you doing this then you can share the cost of the 'child minder'.

Whether it's vacation time, or not, the early evenings can be very tiring when there's only one of you looking after children. Why don't you set a schedule for them? Certain time frames for homework, relaxing, helping you prepare supper and other small chores, and then a definite hour for bed. Make the latter fairly early, especially on school days. You'll need a definite plan for the mornings as well - when they must be out of bed, dressed for school, eating breakfast, and then ready to leave the house.

There's nothing wrong with having a daily calendar on the fridge door, or the like, to remind everyone of what they ought to be doing. I believe you'll find it very beneficial to your task of single parenting in the city!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com.