Paul Messam, Gleaner Writer
You have put up signs all around the house. You have made sarcastic remarks. You have complained. You have even gone on strike. Nothing seems to work. So once again, you have to take on all the household chores yourself.
Like many couples, Mae and Tony are proof that housework is one of the great marital divides in line with sex, money and whether there is really such a colour as chartreuse. "Housework is one of the top five things that my husband and I argue about because it has to be done on a daily basis and it's tiring," says Lorna Reed, an assistant executive and a mom of two children, in St Andrew. "And there are times when neither of us has the oomph to do it," she adds. Finding that oomph is usually up to the mother, apparently.
"I think I have the best husband in the world, and I can get him to assist with the chores around the house but I would have to ask him," says Opal Peart, an elementary school teacher in New Jersey. "He will cook sometimes. When he does its usually mouth-watering and he will wash the dishes and leave the kitchen as clean as a whistle."
"It all has to do with love," says Andrea Lamont, assistant bursar. "If the gentleman loves you and is in love with you, he will help you around the house. When there is no love and the house is saturated with unhappiness, the man will always want to go on the road, maybe to look for what he has not left there."
not an easy task
"How to get your spouse to help with the housework is not an easy task," says Patricia Henry, a high school security guard. "However, I would sit him down, hug him up and say to him, 'honey you know it would be nice if you help your darling with a little of the house work you know'."
Samuel Smith, an experienced gardener, was of the view that some men cannot do housework because of how they have been socialised. "But I love housework, I love the cleanliness and when the place is tidy." Mrs Hopkins, businesswomen and a mother of two daughters, feels that it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your spouse. "Once the rules and standards are laid down from day one, there should not be a problem. I honestly do not have a problem in my house, as we both share to care," says Hopkins.
"The husband has to want to do it," says Rev Dr Byron Chambers, family counsellor and president of the Jamaica District of Methodist Churches. "We need to rid ourselves of the notion or the cultural bias that says this kind of work is for women and those kinds are for the men. Work as a partner, because if the husband does not help his wife with the house chores, she can get so tired and exhausted that it will affect the other areas of her life and the home, which includes the mental, physical, psychological, emotional and also the spiritual."
Dr Chambers offers some peaceful ways to get your husband to perform his fair share of house duties without any pain.
PEACEFUL WAY 1: It will help if both partners arrive at an agreement as to what their roles are going to be. Take a realistic examination at how many hours each partner works. Find out who has the most time to get chores done.
PEACEFUL WAY 2: Write down the chores you feel are most essential and have the husband do the same and compare. If the lists are equitable, then anything you include that doesn't could be your responsibility, and vice versa. The tasks you both consider necessary are the ones to be divided up.
PEACEFUL WAY 3: Draw weekly housework from a LOVE'S DUTY BOX, or assign them a chart. On Fridays, both partners should write down all the activities they will be thinking of doing on the weekend, and then ensure that both do some of them.
PEACEFUL WAY 4: If one spouse does not work, it is only fair and reasonable that that person will do the lion's share of the work during the week. However, on weekends, there should be more equality. The fact is, caring for a house and the children is a full-time job, so the stay-at-home parent deserves a break on Saturday and Sunday.
PEACEFUL 5: Be patient, kind and tolerant of reluctant husband. Post a decorated clearly written list, dubbed 'HONEY, PLEASE DO' list of chores for the husband to tackle around the house.
PEACEFUL WAY 6: Quietly and gently whisper in your spouse's ear how much you would appreciate not having to issue reminders. He may just be happy to oblige. Massage each others strength. Offer praise for a job well done.
PEACEFUL WAY 7: Do not tell your better half that he 'screwed up'. This usually sparks resentment and could make him less willing to tackle it again. Encourage him to work with some of his favourite music in the background. The male can challenge his family to see how many chores can be done in a half an hour period.
