Tammie Tennant, Contributor

Spent shells on the grounds of St Simon's Basic school on Penn Street, Jones Town on Tuesday, October 25, 2005 after a three-hour shoot-out occurred earlier that morning. - Andrew Smith/Photography Editor

The rays of the sun rip sharply through the lace curtains beside Maria's bed. She rolls over hoping that she could just fall asleep again. She drags herself out of bed and grabs her dressing gown. She reaches over to wake him and realises he is not there. She glances at the clock. It's 7:30 a.m.. "Man! I'm gonna be late again!" Rushing to the bathroom, she quickly passes the mirror, stops, turns and looks again in the mirror. Her eyes are swollen, her face is pale.

She reaches down and feels her tummy. She remembers. "Oh I forgot! Again! Not at work today. Or the rest of the week for that matter. Okay. That list? Where is that list?" Maria frantically runs to her handbag, and finds her diary. She pulls out a piece of paper. "Okay. I can do this! Drink a cup of coffee. Check email. Have breakfast. Go to gym. Eat lunch. Come home. Take a nap. Prepare dinner. Take sleeping tablets. Go to bed."

Pain

Maria's thoughts are interrupted with the sound of the phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mrs Matthews, this is Mr Smith, I am calling you to remind you of our appointment this afternoon to go over some final details. "Oh right, yes. 2:30 you said?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Okay that will be great."

She quickly scribbles on the paper, between lunch and come home, 'FH'.

She stares at the phone. She remembers. The sound of the kettle causes her to jump up and rush to the kitchen. She takes down her cup, and his cup. She puts two spoonfuls of sugar in his and a few mint leaves. Just the way he likes it. She makes some ginger tea for herself. In her condition, the ginger helps.

She puts his cup on the table beside the newspaper. It is untouched. She stares long and hard at it. She remembers. She looks at the tea in her hand. She remembers. She looks at the list. "Coffee ... hmm ... " She touches her tummy again and feels the pain ripple through her body. She can feel her throat getting tight and the pain in her chest intensifying. "Okay, breathe. You can do this."

She gets up out of the chair and feels her legs buckle under her. The tears break through, and flow freely. She falls to the ground, holding her tummy.

Just in time

Wailing, she reaches for the phone and dials. "Maria? Maria? Oh God! I am on my way. Oh God. I knew it would happen. I knew you would eventually have to cry. I am on my way!!!"

Esther reaches in time to take the pills away from Maria. "Why? Why? It is my fault! Oh God! Why?" Maria screams. "My sister, you didn't know. You didn't know he would get shot. You couldn't know."

"If I never asked him ... oh God!" Maria wails and screams. Her sister is holding her, so she does not fall. "Oh God!" She screams. She remembers. She remembers that night. He had just come home and was tired. She had been having a craving all day for chocolate chip ice cream. Maria was three months pregnant. She pleaded with him. He looked at his wife and lovingly kissed her and said, "Okay, honey. You know it is because I love you both." He left and never returned. Two days later, the life she had inside died too.