His father takes care of him financially, but rarely visits, as we broke up a few years ago and are still not talking. He never lived in the same house with his father. I am afraid of telling him about his dad. What should I do?

A It is okay to let him know that his father is ill. However, he should not be burdened with the details of the illness. If possible, let him spend more time with his father, or allow more telephone contact between them.

You also need to get counselling regarding the problem between you and your son's father. You will need to resolve the issues(s) between you both before you can move on emotionally.

Q I went to my child's school last week for a meeting with the teacher. I got the shock of my life when the teacher told me that my 14-year-old daughter had not been attending school regularly and had been absent for most of the term.

Doctor, every morning we leave the house together and the taxi drops her at school and I go on to my job. When I get home by seven, she is home. When I ask her where she goes, she says she is on the playing field or goes into the town. I know she is not very bright, but I thought she was trying. I do not know what to do.

A You have said a very important thing, that your child is not very bright. This may mean that your child has a learning disorder. Please take her to a psychologist right away to get her tested.

You see, if she has a learning problem, she will be frustrated at school and will find other things to do. She will need special help so that she can learn and be the best that she can be. The earlier you get help, the better it will be for her.

Q At my office this week, we had a big discussion on the issue of discipline of children and where and when it begins. Does it begin as soon as a woman gets pregnant, or after the child is born?

AI do not think that you can discipline a child while in the womb. There is no evidence that this is possible.

As soon as a woman finds out that she is pregnant, her focus must be on nurturing the child. This means proper diet, rest and exercise should be followed, with the emotional and physical health of the mother being considered, so that the child is born as healthy as possible. All this should be done with regular visits to a medical doctor and or nurse practitioner.

As soon as a child is born and it is recognised that the child is healthy, some persons start disciplinary practices through a strict regimen of when the child eats and when the child sleeps. This will also vary on the personality and health-related issues that the child presents with. Most children, by age two or before, will have a regular bedtime and some type of structure, especially if they attend day-care facilities. Here, basic disciplinary skills are instilled.

Regarding general behaviour, this will largely depend on the child's environment as all children will live what they learn. Therefore, beha-viours that a child is likely to exhibit will be those that the child would have learned outside of the womb, that is, after the child is born.