Monique Rainford - HER HEALTH
Two weeks ago, I attended a meeting of the Inner Wheel Club of Kingston, of which my mother is a past president. The club and my parents made a financial contribution to Reginald Hird, the father of the now well-known quadruplets. Hird, his wife Keisha, and the quadruplets were featured several times in The Gleaner. I was impressed that he, a father, could comment quite eloquently on the personalities of his five-month-old daughters.
He made another statement, which had a significant impact on me, an obstetrician. He encouraged fathers to visit the obstetrician with their spouses because, as he explained it, he started bonding with his children when he heard their heartbeats for the first time.
I have been fortunate, in private practice, to meet many interested fathers who attend several and, sometimes, all the antenatal visits with their partners. Despite the absence of fathers in the lives of many of our children, good fathers do exist. It is important to encourage these men, not ignore them in the pregnancy and childhood process. It would be tragic if these flames of interest were extinguished.
Involve the fathers
How can expectant mothers involve their spouses, and what can the men do to involve themselves in the process? It is not surprising that the woman takes priority in the pregnancy. She is experiencing dramatic changes in her body and the process may be both physically and emotionally draining.
She is party to experiences, which her spouse will never share, such as the movement of the baby or babies inside of her. Her spouse may feel left out and, if she has an interested partner, she should include him. I encourage the mother-to-be to invite her partner to her doctors' visits. If he is unable to attend, I urge her to keep him abreast of her health issues.
Having an ultrasound can be an exciting time for both parents, therefore invite the father to come along. It could improve his bonding experience. Allow him to palpate your belly when the baby moves and share the baby's movements with him. Couples can attend antenatal classes together and both get to improve their understanding of pregnancy, breast-feeding and any potential problems.
Fathers should be informed
Fathers, let your partners be aware of your interest. Educate yourself about pregnancy by reading books and or reputable Internet sites. Empathise with the mother-to-be as she shares her concerns or discomforts related to the pregnancy. Give her a massage for the usual back pains that will arise at this time. You could also offer to prepare meals for her finicky appetite. Fathers, you could also exercise with her, if exercising is allowed by her doctor. Recognise that she is more fatigued than usual. Also, fathers don't be afraid to try to talk with your developing baby.
I have seen many supportive fathers in the labour process and it does seem to inspire some of my patients. The mother-to-be feels that she has a shoulder to lean and cry on. She also feels that she has a coach, a cheer leader and someone to share in the intense joy that only new parents can feel. Often, the father present at the delivery is better able to recollect the experience than the mother, given her labour discomfort.
Congratulations to the fathers, who step up to their role. To the others, do not despair, maybe it is not too late. If you missed out on the pregnancy, be sure not to miss out on your baby's life.
Dr Monique Rainford is a consulting obstetrician and gynaecologist; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
