However, when it is time to pass stool, he demands his pampers. If it is not given to him, he will retain the stool for days and, when it comes down, he'll do it in his brief if he doesn't get his pampers. If he stays with his aunt, however, he'll do it in her toilet, but nowhere else.

I gave him laxative over the weekend. Believe it or not, he was able to retain it for a while before it came down and I had to force him on the toilet. Even then, he just sat there and trembled and even fell asleep, but nothing came. As soon as he came off, he did it in his brief.

On two occasions he managed to put some in the toilet and he was so happy he asked me if I was happy now and not mad at him anymore, and I said yes. We hugged and I gave him a reward. A couple of minutes later, he did it in his brief again.

I tried sitting with him while he is on the toilet, reading to him, holding him in place, bought his own toilet and seat, even singing to him. I've done everything nice. Now I am beating him all weekend and he still doesn't cooperate. I don't know what else to do.

I notice, too, that he rarely passes stool when he is staying somewhere else. He retains it, taking it home, unless he can't hold it any longer.

Also, at what age should they be able to get up at night to urinate?

POSITIVE Parenting

A A few children may experience this problem because of fear of the toilet or because their toilet training was either overly pressured or irregular and incomplete.

You can help your child avoid shame and embarrassment by treating bowel movement accidents matter-of-factly and kindly. Start again as if you are potty-training for the first time. Be positive and patient. If you don't notice any changes over the next couple of weeks, please consult your paediatrician to rule out any physical disorder.

Most children with this problem will benefit from counselling, which may be used to help the child cope with the shame, guilt or loss of self-esteem associated with the behaviour.

Children vary in age and development with regard to getting up at night to use the toilet. This may also be dependent on how successful potty training was.

Q I have a three-year-old who seems to have a logical response to everything. If I tell her don't go outside because it is wet and she might fall, she tells me, 'I'll be careful.' I tell her sometimes people are careful and they still get hurt. She tells me that she needs a break from the house. I end up telling her not to go outside because I say so, or explaining some reason that I believe is way too advanced for her anyway.

Also, every time she sees a parent of one of her classmates, she insists on telling them about something bad that the child has done. I don't like this at all. How can I get her to change this behaviour?

A Three-year-olds are normally outgoing darlings who experiment continuously with words and can become very confident if encouraged to speak. The world becomes their playground - a place to observe, explore and discover. As a parent, you have a great opportunity to mould and develop your child's habits and behaviours. Your child will set you as a role model.

This child seems intelligent. However, she needs to learn appropriate social behaviours. Speak with your daughter and tell her what behaviour is right and which is wrong, and set rewards for good behaviour and appropriate discipline when she doesn't follow the rules.