Orlean Brown-Earle - Ask the doc

Q. I have a two-year-old who, whenever he doesn't get his way, he throws everything on the ground - the books from the shelf and so on, and he hits his smaller brother too.

My first instinct is to slap him and most times I yell at him for him. His sibling (one year old) copies what he does. What should I do or how do I deal with this situation?

A. Temper tantrums are very common in two-year-olds. The underlying causes of tantrums are usually accumulated frustrations, fears, and other upsets. Two-year-olds need opportunities to do things themselves and make some of their own decisions. They become very frustrated when they are not allowed this autonomy.

Be sure your child has enough rest during the day and ensure that you are consistent with your disciplinary measures. Yelling or slapping will not stop the behaviours.

Try to find out why he is behaving as he does. No must mean no, and age-appropriate rewards must be given when positive behaviours are shown. His sibling is just imitating his behaviour.

Practise positive parenting with both children. Please ensure that your two-year-old is getting his fair share of attention and approval.

Q. My nine-year-old daughter displays disrespectful behaviour, and when scolded, her attitude is a don't-care one, with shaking of the shoulders, mumbling and talking back.

I beat her constantly and deny her certain privileges, but within half an hour she is rude again. She does not respond when asked why she behaves as she does. I need to stop this before she becomes a teenager.

A. All children push limits and your daughter has pushed and won in several cases. It would be interesting to know how long this behaviour has been occurring and if her schoolwork is below average. These factors may be causes for such behaviours.

It is going to be hard on you, but you have to be firm for longer periods, even if it means losing some of your personal social activities, to have your child know that you mean what you say. Let all responsible adults, especially family members and schoolteachers, know that you are going to be firm with her. Also inform them of some of the measures you will be implementing, so she does not try to manipulate others into thinking that you are a 'bad guy'.

Q. My three-year-old has been hitting other children over the last two months, without cause. He is hyperactive and often stubborn.

My husband and I used to quarrel regularly but never fought. We have stopped quarrelling as we thought this may have affected him. Please help me I do not know what to do anymore.

A. Always remember that there is a reason for all behaviours. Ask his caregivers at school and at the day care to make note when these behaviours manifest. If you know when the behaviours occur, it will help to determine why they occur.

If your child watches cartoons or commercials with aggressive behaviour, it can influence his behaviour. Monitor what he watches and the types of games he plays. Develop a coordinated effort with the school to minimise and ultimately eliminate these behaviours. Guide him into acceptable social behaviours by having him talk about what he wants to do and why.

Q. As a reader of your column and a new mother myself, I found attending Lamaze classes particularly useful, especially for parents who would not have had the opportunity to attend to the needs of a new born, prior to this new birth.

I also found that reading the book, 'What To Expect When You are Expecting', helped. There are also a number of useful websites which have their own space for questions and answers, and are aligned to the stages of your child's development. Your readers might want to check these out as well.

A. Thank you for that wonderful information. Thanks also for reading the column. Please come by when next in Jamaica.

Having problems with your children? Write to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner, 7 North Street, Kingston or email: helpline@gleanerjm.com.

Dr Orlean Brown-Earle, child psychologist and family therapist, has the solutions. Dr Brown-Earle is also an associate professor at the Northern Caribbean University, lecturing in graduate and undergraduate psychology and counselling programmes.