Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Contributor

Dear Jamaica:

Me dear mam, ebry day a one ting me haffi seh. God bless Jamaica. For it teach me nuff tings. Like fe know libaty when we seet. For me dear mam, if nuff foreign yardie woulda honest, dem woulda confess seh a nuh lilly libaty try tek a dem. For libing a foreign come een like y'affi walk pass dis bad dawg ebryday. But ebrytime yu ketch near de fence yu a pray seh him use to yu. For hear wah dis dactah man tell dis yardie after she casually mention she hab a pain inna har chest sometime. Hear him now. A de mop she a shoob back an fort pon har work a day time das cause muscle pain.

Now, me an yu done know seh nutten nuh wrang wid domestic work. For one long time me meself did a look visa fe come a foreign fe do lib een work fe get dallahs. But dis backra dactah neva know nutten bout yardie. But she black, hab on de lilly hat an de lilly frack, suh him come to one conclusion. She a smady maid. Pass Faisty.

Use my brain

Well, boasy like Air Jamaica pilot a show we Cuba, a she dis: "I don't use a mop on my job. I use my brain. I am a university vice president." Little most dem admit him an him stitchyscope same place. Diagnosis: Shame a kill him. Come back again, de day de truck a back een wid me corouches a me yard, dis backra ooman an me settee come inna me libing room one time. Come invite me a barbeque tomorrow. But me did done sight de libaty a come long time. For a who me? Black like dis before day light. A move een. Wid dis helleva six foot add man pickney. Nuh pupa. Gooda a sell ganja. A go bruck house.

But me go. An ebry backra fram inna de community reach. Das me, me son, an a black dawg was de only nayga present. Suh one man inna dis piece a ole cap, dutty like smady plaster de brim roun an roun wid brown shoes palish. Start engage me inna worl affairs. Suh me a listen. Till dis ooman gi out to me: "Excuse me husband. Him have a master's degree an wi talk yu to death."

Missis, a neva Air Jamaica pilot dis time. Is like Rex Nettleford himself das ansah fe me. "That's not a problem. I have a PhD." Missis, quiet tek ova de lan like Pharoah plague! "Suh what we must call yu? For we doan know yu name?" Jamaica tan up inna me same time. "Doctor or Professor Keane-Dawes." Me dis tek me pickney an tep weh. An lef de po black dawg still nuh know what a clack a strike. But tenk God, a kip up me yard good an go bout me binnis. An while fe dem pickney tan up a wait pon school bus, fe me own, weh dem fraid fa under de quiet, drive him owna car gone a school. Suh when him done high school, me kip me own barbeque. Invite dem. Introduce me madda to dem. An wid teet a kin, look straight eena dem heap a yeye an mek dem know seh a three scholarship him get fe g'a university. Plus, mek me knock board. A neva me en up a none a dem yard wid cup a beg cooking oil. Or please fe three fowl egg after me well put on me tie head. Tun off me light. An gone a me bed. God bless Jamaica!

,i>Dr Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a professor of communication at Elizabeth City State University, a constituent institution of the University of North Carolina System.