Kelly

The great thing about Jamaican politicians (well, politicians in general really) is that regardless of whether they are performing their duties, they always bring a smile to the face.

Take the case of the sitting of Parliament in which the integrity of Roger Clarke was called into question. The affable Clarke was not having it and defended himself tooth and nail. Hearing the crossfire of banter (and not of the political kind either) that goes on between both sides is always most hilarious. We have heard some whoppers coming from the members of what is to be an Honourable House. Everything from bad grammar, comedic insults and expressions of cluelessness have come to our ears for years.

Re-enactment

I'm waiting patiently for the day when our politicians finally re-enact what we see on TV and just fight it out. We've seen video clips from some Asian countries where the members of the legislature decide to settle it the old-fashioned way. Microphones (plus the stands they are mounted on), chairs and pens become weapons of mass destruction even George W. Bush never conceptualised.

The way our politicians behave, I feel like it's only a matter of time before they resurrect scenes from Kung Fu, Enter The Dragon and all those other karate movies and series from back in the time when the genre was at its best.

I can envision the footage from Parliament on the evening news. If any of the two major TV stations know what would send their ratings sky high, they would show the fights to the music of Kung Fu Fighting. That would be appropriate because the singer is Jamaican. Perfect! Imagine A.J. Nicholson as Silver Fox (his hair is naturally white anyway). Or maybe Lisa Hanna as Lady Shaolin! Wait, what about James Robertson as a ninja? Or perhaps Pearnel Charles might make a good samurai. Sign up director Ang Lee to do the movie about it for HBO and give me the royalties!

Organised chaos

If you don't want the fights to be free-for-alls, let's have organised chaos. Maybe we can arrange for bouts between two warring members when the conversation reaches the point of no return. Speaker of the House Delroy Chuck is already acting like a referee, so why not do it for real? The good thing with these fights is that they wouldn't be confined to the fighters' weight. So a heavyweight could battle a flyweight or a middleweight takes on a welterweight. Imagine a fight between Roger Clarke and Bobby Montague? Heavyweight bout indeed! I know I would be tuning into Parliament every time they're debating a bill just to see the potential throwdown.

Spar with me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com.