Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor

Relationships should be healthy and fun-filled to foster positive feelings and make you feel good about yourself. Relationships can be with anyone in your life - spouse, children, other family members, friends and co-workers. As people interact, problems will develop in relationships, and it takes time to master the problems and make the relationships healthy. Relationships take different forms as you move through the life cycle, and the innocence of your childhood relationships should serve as lessons for the future.

It is always important to make self-assessments as one progresses through life to determine what adjustments are to be made on the path to self-mastery. In the process, it is highly recommended to examine one of the six mistakes of man identified by noted philosopher and Roman orator, Marcus Tillius Cicero (106 B.C.), and quoted by Wayne Dyer in his book, Wisdom of the Ages.

The mistake is "insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot accomplish it".

Unique expression

Love in all forms really is what relationships are about but relationships get difficult when one person wants things his or her way and insists on being right all the time. Despite the difficulties that you may face in your relationships, you can master the imperfections. Finding love in any relationship requires a transformation of your thinking.

Spiritual teacher, Mary Main Morrison, writes in her book, No Less Than Greatness, that the more you open to your real self, the more accepted you feel. Morrison's position is that if you have lost track of your own identity or fear rejection, you should constantly affirm that you are a unique expression of your Creator.

According to Dyer, pessimism can cripple growth and development of individuals and their relationships. The tendency of man is to believe that something is impossible or unachievable because there is no immediate solution in sight. Inventors in science and technology were able to conceive of an idea, such as electricity, the telephone, computers and aeroplanes, believed in it and made it a reality despite the doubting Thomases who felt the idea was impossible.

Past experiences

One of the greatest deterrents to solving problems in your relationships or fulfilling your dreams is the erroneous belief that your past is responsible for the current conditions in your life. "We take wounds that we have experienced in our youth, bond ourselves to them, and continue to blame those unfortunate experiences for our current miserable circumstances ... these are the reasons we can't move forward," posits Dyer.

Dyer's suggestion for overcoming what you feel is impossible to heal your relationship is to remind yourself that this is a solution waiting for the right response. To find the solution which may seem illusive in the beginning, Dyer advises that you should begin the process of investigating who can, as there is always someone who can see the possibility instead of the impossibility of solving the problem.

Blame game

On your path to self-mastery, do not indulge in the blame game. You ought to catch yourself when you find yourself using your past history as a reason for your failure to act today and constantly affirm "I am free now to detach myself from what used to be."

Further, Dyer believes that each person should devote time each day to read spiritual books or listen to inspirational tapes in their spare time, or while driving. He believes that it is helpful to attend self-improvement seminars on mind-refining subjects to keep your thoughts more on the positive and less on negative feelings.

Mastering imperfect relationships does not come easily. It takes practice to overcome many of the negative emotions that arise from disagreements in relationships.

Transformation

Practise this transformation exercise which is about discovering your own identity. Pick a relationship that you like to improve. The next time you speak to that person, pause and take a deep breath and ask the question, "What would love do here?" then listen to the solutions. Some ideas will come to you and more compassionate feelings will arise. Simply, act on these feelings.

Following on from the spirit of Easter, apply the principles of resurrection from negative feelings to achieve self-mastery. Morrison suggests partnering with God which causes difficult people to awaken from spiritual slumber and harmonise a negative relationship. It is a time to open your hearts to love 'in spite of' without the conditions of 'when' and 'if'. Easter means resurrection to a state of forgiveness, taking one step at a time, forgiving one hurt at a time.

Steps to resurrection for inner peace in harmonious relationships [Morrison]

ACKNOWLEDGE: I have forgiveness work to do.

REALISE: I can't do it alone.

AFFIRM: I desire a shift.

PRAY: God, help me let go.

REQUEST: Let me forgive myself.

We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.

- Martin Luther King, Jr