Kelly

There's a town in California (South Pasadena to be exact) where a 14-year-old boy has formed a no cursing (or as some might say, cussing) club.

Now the wider community is trying to make no cussing a way of life. Bravo, I say, but quite frankly, I don't know if some Jamaicans could live there. No cussing? Not even words they don't block out on local television movies? That's just not how some of us are! Jamaicans are some of the most expressive people on the planet. And whether you think it's a good thing or not, some of us tend to use expletives to do it.

Desired effect

As mortified as my parents might be when I say this, some things have the desired effect when you throw in two 'cloth'. Mind you, some people use it waaay too much. If the bottle they're drinking from spills some juice on them, hear comes the "cho 'rust' cloth! And if a homeless person is asking some driver waiting at the stop light for money and does it a little too naggingly, here comes the "move yu bloody fabric!" And if you see a great overhead kick score during a tense match, here comes the "explosive device cloth!"

The actual words, which I'm sure you've all heard at some point, are all enough to make you cringe. But somewhere somebody is going to find it funny! (Oh and if you don't know the phrases I've changed up, ask a friend and try to decipher)

Speaking of cringe, I remember a lady who almost shrivelled every time we said the words of one of Jamaica's most-sought-after alcoholic liquids, john crow 'butt'; the real word to end that name rhymes with 'patty'! The next time you feel for some, just ask for JB, can't go wrong! It's amazing though that even some of the words that you don't think about as 'bad' words can be considered risqué to somebody.

But the young man in Pasadena is quite right. We need a no-cuss attitude. So, why not try some alternatives if you feel you have to curse? How about "wha di blouse pants!" or "cho bread cart!" Or maybe "yu brown foul". You get the idea. You might actually elicit some laughs from those around you, possibly defusing a potentially volatile situation.

Now you won't be locked up in South Pasadena if you curse but you may be arrested or fined in Jamaica. But some police personnel curse too. Imagine them in lock-up for that. To r...r...rahtid! (what did you think I was going to say?) More time!

Don't cuss me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com.