Latoya Campbell, Youthlink Writer

Goodbye is one of the most difficult words to say, especially if you know it's permanent. Nevertheless, there comes a time when it is inevitable. This is the same for relationships, particularly those that end after months or years of existence. The question is: How do you pick up the shattered pieces and move on? Many argue that you never do, but the reality is that there's no use crying over spilt milk.

The first thing you have to do is accept the fact that the relationship is over. Brian thought he had convinced himself that he was over his girlfriend of one year with whom he had broken up because they were constantly arguing.

"I seriously thought I was over her. Turns out I wasn't because whenever I saw her from a distance, or came across a photo of us together, I'd freak out and start thinking that I made a terrible mistake. It took me a while to figure out that I was still hoping that we could be together."

Closure

Eventually, he was able to find closure by forgiving her of her mistakes and taking responsibility for his.

"I let her know how hurt and angry I still was. Surprisingly, confessing helped me to close that chapter and move on with my life."

It's bad enough knowing your relationship has come to an end, but it is worse when your partner didn't think it necessary to tell you face to face. Youthlink met some teens who had gone through such break-ups and were interested in sharing their experiences.

Break-up tips

Here are a few other tips on how to move on after a break-up. We hope you'll find them helpful:

Talk to a friend about it, but try not to burden them. Sometimes it helps when you're able to express your feelings. Eventually, though, try to move past conversations centred on your loss.

Keep yourself active. Volunteer at a nearby location, pick up a new hobby or enlarge your vocabulary by reading more.

It doesn't really matter if you throw out all of your ex's belongings that you've been holding on to, or demand that you have yours returned. While it may give you physical closure, it still doesn't prove that you've truly moved on.

Catherine, 17

"I got a message from my then boyfriend that said, 'Hey you, I'm sorry but this just ain't working out. I'm calling it quits.' Everything seemed to be going well prior to that so naturally, I was crushed. I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer and he dodged all of our hang-out spots. For about a week I locked myself up in my room and cried like there was no tomorrow. In time I realised that I was being unfair to myself. I had done nothing to deserve that treatment! I started hanging out with my friends who I'd started to neglect because he didn't like them and soon he meant absolutely nothing to me."

Zack, 19

"My girlfriend came online one night and told me over MSN Messenger that she wanted to break up. I wanted to know why, but she didn't seem to have the right answers except the usual dodging of the question by saying it's just not working out. I was really depressed, especially since I didn't know what went wrong and why this should happen to me. It hurt even more when I realised that it didn't bother her in the least. Eventually, though, I realised that sometimes people can make bad choices; she noticed so, too, and though we never got back together, we became friends again - which is rare - but it helped."

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