Do you have a knot in your stomach because of past occurrences in your life which still bother you? Is there someone who hurt you deeply, but you can't seem to move on from it? Do you wish to clear the air but you're not sure what the best way of doing so is?
You might remember an article I wrote in the early summer of last year entitled 'A landmark in my life'. The gist of it was that a guy (Mr. Big is what I referred him as) who I was in love with a long time ago called to tell me that he'd cheated on me throughout our relationship. It was an unnecessary and selfish act, as I felt that years later it was information I did not need to know. As far as I was concerned, it was done out of relieving his own guilt.
Anyway, I saw Mr. Big a couple weeks ago while I was out on the town, and did my best to avoid him. This didn't work out though, because he approached to wish me "Happy New Year". I can tell you that I was annoyed by his breezy greeting, as it seemed to me that he just didn't get it! I mean, I wrote to him more than six months ago and explained my utter contempt for what he'd revealed to me. How he could possibly have taken it so lightly was incredibly upsetting to me.
For the next few days I mulled over this constantly. It was like old fiends were coming into my head and I just couldn't get rid of them. I finally decided that I needed to phone Mr. Big, make him understand why I was so distressed, and hopefully smooth things over a bit. I have to see this man over and over again for as long as I live, so I'd rather not face these awkward situations that can arise.
Apology
I made the call, and without going into the whole conversation, I can say that it went better than I had expected it to. He recognised that it was wrong of him to tell me what he had, and that he appreciated why I was angry about it all. It was good to hear him apologise to me, and a huge basket of bricks was lifted from my gut.
Now, I don't think that it was the apology alone which did this. I believe that I too was ready to forgive and move on. And this is the point I'd like to highlight to you all. It is best for you to be at harmony with other people because, if not, then the only person you're really hurting is yourself.
I know that in the moment it's hard to view things this way, but given time, one does learn to let go. There are appropriate manners in which to do this - don't lose your cool, be precise in describing your grievances, and don't get distracted by other matters which might come up and complicate the situation. The past is exactly that, and certain things should be left alone. Realise what it is you feel is important to sort out, and stick to it.
Should one pick up the cell or go for a personal visit? It's funny, because I had originally wanted to meet with Mr. Big face to face for us to discuss all of this, but circumstances did not allow for it. In the end, that was the more ideal scenario for me. I found that I could speak my mind quite simply. However, it depends on the kind of person you are. Some people don't like using the telephone, as it can be impersonal. Meeting up for a drink and a casual chat can break the ice, and then it's easier to go into the problem.
Most important, if you have a niggling feeling in your heart and soul that you have unfinished gripes with a long lost love, then practise caution in how you go about approaching the issue(s), and do yourself a favour by making peace with your demons.
angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com
