Have you agreed to be in a relationship where there is something really big that bothers you?

In her book Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit (Harmony, 2006), Boston-based psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum explains that a healthy relationship must have the following characteristics:

Physical chemistry or affection.

Real intimacy, or an 'at-homeness' with the other person fun, which she describes as "the glue of intimacy".

Safety, trust and security with the other person mutual respect.

To Kirshenbaum, settling is accepting a relationship in which one of these "five dimensions of chemistry" is missing.

In Clarendon, Shelly Symes (name changed) said that she decided to marry her husband, a deacon in her church, because he had many outstanding qualities of the Christian husband she desired.

In five years, she walked out on the marriage because the faults which she had decided to ignore were just too hard to live with.

Psychologists note that when people get into relationships for superficial reasons, more often than not those relationships end badly.

Jamaican women often state that their biggest requirements for a husband is someone who can support them and who gets a high approval rating from three friends and family. However, indications are that unless due diligence of marriage is done and adhered to settling for what society demands will have painful results.

The researchers note that those who tend to settle also exhibit their characteristic in other aspects of their lives. They tend to 'make do' and try to 'find a workable solution' to life's major challenges, instead of waiting for that perfect answer to the challenges that face them.

By the time chronic settlers become adults, the researchers note, they settle for whoever comes along. "Once they get into a relationship, they feel fortunate just to have someone. If the relationship goes south, they stay because they're afraid someone better won't come along," said Kirshenbaum.

Other people get into 'settling' situations on purpose.

Some women marry men who are good fathers, even though they do not 'set their world on fire'. Others feel that financial security is more important than anything else.

The researchers say that their findings indicate that waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right pays dividends.

If you never marry, they say you can develop a wonderful network of friends and still live a happy life.

Kirshenbaum states, "Settling for something you don't like and don't want is worse than nothing at all."

- Partial information source:www.revolution.health.com