Angela Philipps, Contributor

Contributed

Let's assume that you've met 'the one', so to speak. You can't believe how happy you are, you're amazed at how wonderful love feels, and the thought of being without this person is unimaginable. You decide to move in together, and life is just perfect.

I have been in this situation twice, and I can tell you that it's not all a basket of flowers, but one of eggs. It's a delicate situation in which any one (and sometimes all) of the factors which make a relationship can break, UNLESS you both vow to be devoted to it.

The first time I moved in with a man was about 10 years ago. We shopped for rugs, cushions, tables and lamps together. I was in 'marital' bliss but without the marriage commitment. Of course, this did not matter as I had convinced myself that that part would naturally follow in the near future.

problems committing fully

Every day I returned from work I'd clean the apartment, prepare dinner, light the candles and wait for 'Dr. Love' to come home. But he hardly ever made it in time. I had adapted my life, committing fully to our 'living together', but his life continued on as it had before. He'd stop off for a drink, or four, not taking our plans seriously, and he'd come and go as he pleased without even thinking to ask me to join him. Really, he still lived like a bachelor, who happened to have a girlfriend who was more like a room-mate. I had made the mistake of treating our situation like a marriage, while, to him, it was simply a convenience whereby he no longer had to visit my apartment across town as I was now right under his roof. He never had any intention of marrying me, and in less than a year I had moved out and moved on.

Did I learn my lesson? Nope. Why? "This (second) time it's different!" HA, RIGHT! It's NEVER different! Well, the one thing which was, I guess, is that I lasted two years because this guy did treat me very well and was quite a sweet person. However, the long and the short of it is ... he didn't want to hear me say "I do". Alas, I moved out and on AGAIN.

Two completely different relationships: one which was insane, the other stable and healthy ... and yet, living with both these guys got me no closer to where I wanted to be with them at the time ... married.

In hindsight, I am relieved that I did not tie the knot with either of these men, but that's not the point I'm trying to make at present.

my point

What I am trying to say is that it's not necessarily such a wonderful thing to be cohabiting with someone unless you really are on the 'same page'. Do you want to get hitched to him or her, and vice versa? If you don't have matching viewpoints on this matter, you are doomed.

Statistically, more marriages break up if the couple shares a house before walking down the aisle. I know the main arguments for doing so:

1. You get to know one another properly.

2. It's cheaper to pool your resources into one property.

3. You love each other.

But hear this, unless there's a ring on your finger and a date set for the wedding, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You might say I am wrong and that divorce is so straightforward these days that anyone can walk out at the drop of a hat. However, it's a heck of a lot easier to get out of being someone's boyfriend than it is to stop being a husband. People will take more thought at ending the sacrament and legality of being a spouse than they will as a 'live-in' lover. So ladies, I urge you to think carefully before shacking up.

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com