Misha Lobban, Contributor
The finishing touch - making sure that not a wrinkle is in place.
David Clarke, Ph.D., in his book entitled, Men Are Clams, Women Are Crowbars - Understanding Your Differences And Make Them Work, notes that man resists and fights against doing chores.
"He won't do it right away when you ask. He'd be your servant! He'd be nothing more than a puppet on a string! He'd be a mama's boy! Some men will flatly refuse to do the chore, but that's rare.
"Most men will say: 'Sure, honey, I'll do it later' ... Later never comes. The man forgets or waits so long to do it that the woman feels forced to remind him. When she reminds him, he sees her as a nag, and he resists doing the chore all the more. He fails to realise that she wouldn't have to nag if he'd get the chore done in a reasonable time frame," Clarke states in his book.
tired of waiting
He further notes that often the woman will get tired of waiting and do the chore herself, as she doesn't want to nag, and the job needs to be done.
The truth is, taking care of a home is too big a job for just one person. Household chores should be shared between both persons in a marriage or committed relationship, and the act of sharing chores strengthens and improves the relationship. Most women say that when their partner assists with household chores they feel closer to them and it is a demonstration that the men are considerate.
Cynthia, a social worker who has been
married for 22 years says her husband likes to sweep and tidy inside the house and outside and it makes her feel that he is actively participating and helping her with the work load.
"One year I was abroad for a month and he kept telling me to come home because it was too difficult and that experience gave him an appreciation of how hard housework is, so now he always helps to keep the house tidy and assists with other things," she says.
Christine, a travel agent, has been married for 12 years and is very happy with the part her husband plays in the household.
"He does the grocery shopping every other week and I am comfortable with his choices. He always gets everything we need and even if I need something extra it is never a problem for him to go and get it."
This, she explains, allows her to concentrate on doing laundry and cleaning the house. Even more satisfying for her is the fact that unlike most men, she never has to pick up after her husband as he's very neat and organised and he helps her to keep the house tidy. He's also outstanding in that he makes breakfast for himself and their two kids every morning an she doesn't eat breakfast, he prepares a cup of tea for her every morning.
"Because of all that he does I am not bothered by what he doesn't do such as the fact that he doesn't like to wash pots even though I wish he would do that sometimes."
For Lorna, businesswoman who has been married for 28 years, the fact that her husband does nothing in the house puts a strain on the relationship.
"I would love to see him take responsibility like my father who would do everything that needed to be done in the house. If I talk about the things that need to be done he takes years to do them and sometimes when I just go ahead and get them done it causes a problem. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming and I feel angry because I know it would make a big difference if he takes more responsibility in the home," she says.
Jerrold, a financial advisor who has been married for the past seven years, agrees that it makes a significant difference in a relationship when both partners share house chores.
"When one person is left to do all the work it can be frustrating and breeds resentment. It just makes life easier when both partners share the chores and it is a demonstration of love because a woman understands and receives love through her partner's service.
"When we got married we had a discussion about house chores and since she said she dislikes doing dishes, I made a commitment to do that. I also do other things like helping her to tidy up and help her with the laundry. I also iron her clothes in the mornings while she gets ready as it helps us to get out of the house more quickly."
Shawn, operations supervisor who has been married for eight years, notes that his wife often emphasises the need for them to do house chores together as she feels that by assisting with tasks he is spending time with her and supporting her. While he admits that he hates housework, whenever his schedule allows, he will assist with chores in order to make her happy. He especially hates doing the dishes but doesn't mind cleaning the bathroom and helping to look after their two-year-old son which he does whenever his wife, who is a flight attendant, is on duty.
Steve Waugh, pastor and counsellor, believes that while the woman is responsible for the management of the household and the husband is responsible for providing for the needs of his family, the woman doesn't have to do it alone. He notes that it is important for the woman to assign tasks to her partner and to the children as it builds teamwork within the family unit.
"It also helps to relieve the wife of the burden of the housework and you will have a less stressful relationship in the home. Also, when you help with housework, it says you care about your partner."
