Effective parents clearly understand their roles and responsibilities. Merris Murray, executive director, Early Childhood Commission, says that couples should make an effort to learn the basics of parenting. But first, she notes, they should examine whether or not they are ready to have children.

"We need to understand whether we are ready to start a family. We need to look at whether we are emotionally ready ... your mindset … the frame of mind to handle a newborn coming into this world. Are we physically equipped, and are we financially prepared?"

Speaking at the 2007 VMBS Marriage and the Family series, Ms. Murray advised: "Look at your income, and then decide what should be the appropriate size of your family … remember 'two is better than too many'."

Other tips given to first-time parents were as follows

The mother needs to understand what she must do in order to bring a healthy baby into this world. She needs to eat nutritious food. She needs to get exercise. She needs to get rest. She needs to take good care of herself; because by caring for herself, she is in turn caring for her baby.

She also needs to avoid stress. Stress can have a devastating effect on a baby. The mother needs to go and have enjoyable experiences - laughing … and even before the baby comes, she needs to listen to music … nice, soothing music. And that baby will come into this world, more or less, a healthy human being.

The father has a pivotal, critical role to play in this regard too. Supporting the mother, taking care of her, holding her hand during very challenging, difficult times. So the father plays that supportive role research is showing that a child needs at least one caring, nurturing parent, we are saying two parents can facilitate optimal child development, and we need to work towards that.

plan for every stage

According to Merris Murray, parenting is right when we plan for every stage in the child's development.

"Take a life cycle approach. The early childhood period, especially the birth-to-three-year-old period, is critically important in laying down the foundation for a range of skills. During this period, the development of brain functions is very critical. It is the time when you are laying the foundation for the child to be proficient in language development.

"Help the child to handle and process information. Lay the foundation for him/her to handle his or her emotions in a very normal way. When the child gets stressed out or frustrated, the child won't give vent to anger, but will be able to deal with it in a very normal way."

The birth-to-three-year-old period, said Merris Murray, is also important for early stimulation. "When the child is born, the parents need to buy toys for the child and play with the child, providing books in the home that are stimulating. It's amazing how children are attracted to colours. As newly-weds, as new parents, you need to prepare the physical environment so that it is becomes very stimulating for the child."

Parents should also spend time reading to the baby

"This is when you read the nursery rhymes, and also play background music to help the child develop the appreciation for nice music. And you are indeed informally laying the critical foundation for the development of a number of life skills," said Murray.

If children do not get the right stimulus, then the neurological development of the child's brain will be inhibited.

"Children exhibit behavioural problems and present challenges for the parents in later life, and so I'll keep emphasising that a child's early years are handled with care.

"As the baby's brain grows, if the environment is right, if the environment is stimulating, if it is nurturing, if it is caring, there is even greater potential for thinking and learning in later years," Merris Murray stated.

Next week: Parenting in the critical years.

Stress can have a devastating effect on a baby. The mother needs to go and have enjoyable experiences - laughing … and even before the baby comes, she needs to listen to music … nice, soothing music. And that baby will come into this world, more or less, a healthy human being.