Eulalee Thompson
CHILDREN WHO were sexually abused grow into adults with deep emotional scars. Dr. Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson, psychiatrist, pointed to some common characteristics of adult survivors of sexual abuse.
"Some of them are unassertive, timid and fearful, don't trust others and have problems in relationships," she said. "They are filled with anger, shame and guilt, tend to be masochistic, that is, more concerned about others, but don't address their own needs and lack self-love."
Although this article will refer to the survivor of sexual abuse in the female tense for better flow of the prose, Dr. Bailey-Davidson did point out the problem is gender neutral. Based on American statistics, she said that at least one out of five boys and one out of four girls will be abused before they reach the age of 18.
Many cases go unreported because of fear, threat, feelings of helplessness and because children are dependent on their relatives.
Blames herself
"The child doesn't try to do anything to rock the boat. Why do they keep quiet? They are dependent, under threat of death, they have learnt to be helpless, the person is usually an older person in a position of authority and trust, and a child can't go up against that," she explained.
Though it should be pointed out that under the fairly new Child Protection Act, adults are required to report even suspicions of child abuse to the police or Child Development Agency.
The adult who was sexually abused as a child would have employed many coping strategies (with their childlike minds) just to get by from day to day as they attempt to survive this terrible trauma. She may keep telling herself that the experience wasn't so bad; "Daddy didn't really mean to hurt me". She may also try to find an excuse for the abuser, "He was drunk" or "He was really tired and stressed out because he works so hard". She may blame herself saying, "Maybe, if I had not been so pretty and attractive he wouldn't have abused me" or "Maybe, if I had not been such a bad girl he wouldn't have abused me".
These childhood coping strategies begin to falter as the child moves through the various stages of the life cycle and into adulthood.
"Development at different ages brings forward different issues. Usually, you have to rework the issues at each stage of life; if you had some trauma before, it can present itself at a later date in another way. So people who have been traumatised and sexually abused usually need life-long therapy and support," said Dr. Bailey-Davidson.
She further explained that the therapy process becomes even more important in cases where the abuse was severe or prolonged.
"What tends to happen sometimes is that when (the individual) has therapy when young, the issue resolves (but) in adolescence or adulthood, the issue resurfaces for various reasons because what you find is that the coping mechanisms that worked when they were a child, no longer work when they are adults, so the problem resurfaces there," Dr. Bailey-Davidson explained.
Teach parenting skills
To help stem the problem of abuse, she said that the society needs to focus more on teaching parenting skill and child development. Parents should learn how to parent their children effectively; they should be able to teach children to be assertive; teach them refusal skills, about relationships and what is appropriate in relationships.
"So, if they find that their father, their uncle or their teacher is touching them in places that they don't like, they can report it to another adult because they are assertive and are supported by adults," Dr. Bailey-Davidson said.
You can hear more of Dr. Bailey-Davidson's views on the topic of adult survivors of sexual abuse at a conference being hosted by the Jamaica Psychiatric Association on Gender, Sexuality and Wellness at the Jamaica Pegasus hotel on August 19, 2007.
eulalee.thompson@gleanerjm.com
END NOTE: SPARE THE ROD
I appreciate the numerous phone calls and correspondence supporting the views expressed in my article, 'Spare the rod, you won't spoil the child', published July 25, 2007.
