Melville Cooke

When you're upyou're up

When you're down you're down

When you're only half-way up

You're neither up nor down

- One version of children's ditty, generally thought to be about the British Prince Frederick of Flanders, France, in the 1790s

The Jamaican curse (or celebratory, or wistful, or sorrowful, or any of a range of emotions, depending entirely on inflection) words are things of rare power and beauty even though they are all discriminatory towards women, as they refer to the female genitals.

These words, which make all people born in Jamaica or to Jamaican parents persons of the cloth, whether they wear it obviously or not, do more than mark those who pronounce them with the right emphasis as people from 'yard'. Just as there are people who can listen to Jamaicans talk and instantly determine where they are from, if you listen to a Jamaican reel off some fabric you can place them on the social pecking order.

In this regard, the upper and lower classes (we are sticking to three here, not subdividing into upper upper this and lower lower that, like Carl Stone) have something in common. They let the cloths fly like they were cut to fit their tongues. The upper class pronounce them in a way that carries the weight of acres upon acres of land, fat bank accounts and indefinite visas; the lower class let them fly with an ease that indicates they are a normal part of speech (you know, like when they come between the syllables of another word).

Middle class

The middle class now, tends to curse with this apologetic tone, this dip in the voice which indicates the lack of expansive property, yet not the freedom of no social aspirations. The upper class can let fly because they have reached; the lower class have no real hopes of reaching (and, if they do make it financially, there is always someone to remind them of 'whe yu come fram').

The middle class, caught in the middle and hanging on by a pay chequeor two, find their tongues fettered by a combination of aspirations and 'decent' upbringing.

Still, the curse words are the least of the middle class' problems. They (maybe I should way we) are stuck between the rock of the respectable upper class and the hard place of a 'don cya' lower class. The upper class have access to their personal 'shottas', security personnel who are dedicated to their well-being. The lower class have their personal 'shottas', men with illegal guns who are willing and able to defend the area.

The middle class have panic buttons, hopeful signs on their gates ('Protected by') and the police, who might or might not come.

Some years ago there was a story in The Gleaner, in which the JPS reported that they were losing more money to illegal connections (a nice term for 'bridge light') in areas of Upper St. Andrew than in inner-city areas of the capital. Guess who keeps on paying their bills and keeps the system running (so other people can merrily bridge away)? The middle class, of course.

And with elections coming up (it is not a breach of my no politics promise, fellow members of the Just Not Loving Politics Party, it is simply an observation in the context of our discourse), the upper class is secure in their cash and assets, no matter who wins.

Lower class

The lower class already has an affiliation, by choice or imposed. Who is concerned about issues and manifestos and plans and all that rubbish that really does not concern politicians? Why, the middle class, of course.

But the most serious pinch in which the middle class finds itself is as a crime buffer zone. For when a criminal from a depressed area (and, of course, not all people in poor communities are criminals and not all criminals come from poor communities) takes up the tool to go 'look a food' outside their petty robbery of their own, they do not head to the real uptown areas. They tackle middle class areas, where they tend to blend in more, where there is much less security, where there is not this ingrained awe which will cause hesitation at a critical moment and which are so much more accessible, by foot or white Corolla.

It may be quite close, because near every solidly middle class community there is a 'gully side' or 'informal' settlement. And it is then that the middle class really, really feel the consequences of being neither up nor down.