Paul H. Williams, Gleaner Writer

Raymond and Yvonne Kirlew - photo by Paul Williams

When Yvonne Rowe met Raymond Kirlew in Nottingham, England, in 1981, she was immediately smitten by him, and he liked her too. But, at the very moment when their eyes met, Yvonne didn't really know what sort of man she was getting involved with, and she perhaps didn't count her lucky stars.

For unknown to her, and as time would later tell, she had found a good man - a very good man.

They got married eventually in 1984, settled in the UnitedStates, produced two children, and lived a normal life.

Then, one day, in September 2001, as Yvonne strolled down a street in Manhattan, New York, she tripped and sustained a cut near her left ankle. She was rushed to hospital.

But, after six months, the wound had not healed properly. She was given more antibiotics, but the area was still tender.

"In addition to that, I had other symptoms - like my legs would start hurting on and off, and one day I almost collapsed in the street," she said. It was time to take action.

Emergency

She was advised to do a CT-scan, and when the results came back, her doctor called to say, "It's an emergency, something is gone wrong with you."

Yet, her doctor didn't know what exactly was wrong with her, apart from "something was growing in her back and stomach". He told the Kirlews that he "would keep an eye on it".

But Raymond was willing to wait and see. He and Yvonne went to see another doctor, on Staten Island, and a biopsy was done. The result was inconclusive, but cancer was not ruled out.

"I felt numb and I felt really scared, but at the same time, I felt relieved because I believe once we know what it is, then we can go about treating it," he said. Again, he was told the situation would have been monitored.

On the way to the subway, Raymond discussed the possibility with Yvonne, who recalled, "I was in denial. I put it right out of my head. I didn't want to know that it was (cancer). I didn't think that that was what it was." For her, it might as well be menopause or something else.

By then, said Raymond, "I was very worried, I was very scared, very scared, because I didn't know what was happening."

Cold sweat and body pain were now frequent for Yvonne. The lymph nodes in her neck got bigger and bigger, and so did her appetite. Raymond said, "She started to eat like a trooper."

Yet, her weight began to decline and she suffered hot flashes. "I was concerned - (but) it was at a time when I thought, maybe I was going through menopause," shereflected.

To her, it was perhaps a phase. But, what was happening to her was not about to pause or pass. The red flag went up. The lumps in her neck were just too big.

Raymond sought more medical advice and was told to take Yvonne to a certain specialist in Brooklyn. Blood and other fluids were removed from one of the lumps in her neck and tested immediately.

"I felt very bad, very bad,'' is how Raymond described his reaction when the specialist told him it was almost certain Yvonne had cancer of the lymph nodes. Her immune system was under attack. Still, he told Raymond to wait until 10 a.m. the following day in order for him to get a second opinion. He apprised Yvonne of the situation.

However, Raymond was not going to wait. "The more I know about this illness, the better I am equipped to help her get through it, if she is gonna get through it," he said about his instant preoccupation with lymphatic cancer.

He started to do his own research, staying up most of the night working the phone and surfing the Net. What he heard and saw was not pretty. Every iota of information on lymphatic cancer loudly heralded Yvonne's imminent death. And, Raymond remembered that her mother, father and brother had died from cancer. He went into a tailspin.

He then made a serious decision, to close down his businesses, a club and a garage. "When they told me the type of treatment she would have to get and what was going to be involved in getting her better, and what she was gonna go through, there was no way I was gonna let her face it on her own," he said in justifying their closure.

All this time, Yvonne had no idea of how much her life was about to change.

Time to face reality

The morning came and it was time for Raymond to face reality. His wife was indeed suffering from life-threatening cancer. The news was no surprise and they prepared for the worst.

Soon after, Yvonne, her sister and her two children took a trip to California. Raymond bought her a brand-new vehicle in her absence "to cheer her up". Then, they decided to go on a cruise "because we didn't know what was going to happen, what the outcome was going to be - the treatment is as bad as the disease itself and she could go through the treatment and not make it. I have seen that happen to her brother and other people, and I thought, 'let's go on a cruise'".

They enjoyed the cruise, but Yvonne's condition was still paramount in their mind.

"We were still thinking, but we were trying not to think too much of it, just enjoy the moment," he said.

The cruise ended, the party was over, and the family went home to tackle the scourge that was threatening to end the Kirlews' love story.

Next week, read about how Yvonne prepared her own funeral and how Raymond 'nursed' her back to recovery.

paul.williams@gleanerjm.com