Angela Philipps, Contributor

Are men able to understand and accept women with successful careers and wilful minds? Can they be lovers with these women, or are they better off as friends? Are men in Jamaica scared of strong-minded females?

I cannot tell you how many times I have been told by other women that I am far too intimidating - loud, boisterous, sure of myself, determined and deliberate in my actions. These are all positive aspects of my character as far as I'm concerned. The hitch is that this has been mentioned with a negative connotation.

The implication is that I am still single because men in Jamaica do not like to be with girls who are like this. What am I supposed to be like then? Timid, subservient, insecure and basically a wet rag? Yuk! No thank you. I'd rather be on my own than deny and ignore the person I am. I'll just wait it out for a man who will love me for being me.

Of course, when I have this conversation with my male friends, they say to me, "Don't be ridiculous, you're not intimidating at all. I would love to have a strong, independent woman in my life. One who makes her own money, one who is ambitious - in fact, I find it sexy." Various renditions of this statement have been repeated to me by men. But I have yet to see one of them go after a gal like this! Why is that exactly? Hmm - perhaps their egos can't really handle it. It might be hard for a man to handle a girlfriend who is more successful in her career than he is. I wonder if it's the success or the money which is the problem. Can a man deal with the fact that his girl is wealthier than he is?

Burnt

A loyal reader of my column was complaining to me about this very issue. She is in her mid-20s and has been working for about nine years she has been burned a few times by men, she remains firm and focused in her ambitions. She just sold her car, with the view to buying another, and is looking into buying her own house. A recent boyfriend of hers had said that it was her strength, firmness and level-headedness that had attracted him to her. He claimed that he loved her approach to life, and that she motivated him. However, things all went horribly wrong when he started to tell her that he just wanted her to be the sexy, funny person that she was. But what he really wanted was for her to have no brain. She was terribly disappointed to learn that he actually did not want her to be self-sufficient at all. Needless to say, they are no longer together.

Trophy

How many of you ladies out there have been, or are, in this position? Have you been out with a man who just wants a 'trophy' by his side? Does he drop subtle and sly remarks about how you're too driven? Does he listen to you when you talk about work? Would it make him happy to see you do well? If your career is important to you then do not compromise your dreams for a man who has a serious ego problem. He ought to be proud of you if he loves you.

Men can have insecurities about powerful women. However, in this day and age it's quite ludicrous. Education and opportunities are available to both sexes, so it makes sense that women can hold equal positions in the workplace. If a guy feels his manhood is being taken away, then he ought to re-evaluate how hard he is working and strive for more if that is what he truly wants. Ladies like me should not be missing out on finding men just because we are too 'strong'. If anything, a man ought to be flattered when an independent woman wants and chooses to be with him!

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com