Sacha Walters, Staff Reporter

She's in it for the money! He's in it for the sex! That's what most people assume when they see a young woman with a man old enough to be her father. But the complexities of such a relationship are as large as the age gap is wide.

Michelle Forbes, 21, has no issue with the fact that her boyfriend is 29 years her senior.

"He doesn't look like 50," she said, one of the reasons strangers may not comment on their relationship.

They have been dating for a year and while she has dated older men in the past, this is the first time the gap has been so wide.

"I think they're more responsible and more experienced," she explained. For her, financial security is not one of the reasons she chose this relationship.

Occupation

Michelle is currently unemployed but generally works as a sales representative and he is a lawyer.

"We help each other," she said.

Carlene Reynolds, a 23-year-old who dates a 43-year-old bank executive, also said the money does not play a part.

"He doesn't spoil me," the university student who also works, said. If she needs something, he will contribute but he will not foot the entire bill.

However, Shauna Reid, also 23 and a student of the Caribbean Maritime Institute, admits that the financial security is a plus.

"They'll try to help you any way they can," she said and this is the case with the 44-year-old transportation manager she is involved with.

But sex is a fundamental part of any intimate relationship and according to Roger Brown, a 54-year-old who dates younger women, sex has a lot to do with his choice.

"They are more attractive and sexier, so you feel more comfortable with them," Roger continued, "Because you are much more experienced than them, they have more fun."

"Older women are too routine in their lovemaking," Roger said and often bring bad experiences from previous relationships into the current one.

All three women expressed pleasure with their sexual relationships.

"Full a passion," Carlene said of her boyfriend. "He's actually better than my ex," she added.

While Shauna enjoys her boyfriend's laid-back attitude, she said at times he is too old-fashioned in his lovemaking techniques.

Thirty years difference in age may not affect a couple sexually when they are 50 and 20 but 20 years down the line when those numbers turn to 70 and 40 does the situation change?

Sexual peak

According to many articles, women reach their sexual peak later than men, so when a woman in this situation is in th of her sexual desire, the man has long passed his.

But according to general practitioner Dr. James Peart, this is not necessarily so.

"I think it's (sexual peak) a bit overemphasised because people's sexuality can be extended for a long time." While he acknowledged that human beings do have periods where their sex drives peak, it does not mean that they cannot be sexually active when they get older.

He also pointed out that there are no negative biological effects of an older man having a child with a younger woman.

"Sperm is produced until death," he said, therefore, most men do not lose their ability to get a woman pregnant. The only complication which may develop is erectile dysfunction which can come about as a result of diabetes but it can be successfully remedied with medication.

With age comes illnesses which range from high blood pressure to heart disease and other complications that can arise from these illnesses, which oftentimes leave many bedridden.

Michelle said she can picture herself marrying the man she is with and if he got ill she would remain with him.

"I wouldn't have a problem doing it (taking care of him) or I'd get someone to do it," she added, "I just say when we reach that bridge we'll cross it."

No future for relationships

However, for the other two ladies, they see no future in their relationships.

During the three years they have been together, Carlene and her partner's eight- and 11-year-old children from a previous relationship have got along. However, she does not see herself marrying him.

"Some days I want to have a life of my own. Build a life with someone younger," she said. Her aim is to find someone with whom shecan socialise, grow and who has not yet had children. She is searching for that person.

"Him live more life than me," she said of her boyfriend.

Shauna has similar doubts about her current relationship which has lasted for two years.

"I'm not saying there isn't any love," she said. "But there's no future there," as he is married, has three children and lives in another parish.

Shauna said she does date other men and he is aware of it.

Despite the complications of these women's relationships, their social interactions do not suffer because of the age difference.

Michelle and her boyfriend go to movies, Latin dancing, dinner and take trips to the country.

Shauna and Carlene said they too take trips to the country and relax with their partners.

But not everyone agrees with their relationships.

For Michelle, she gets along with her boyfriend's eight-year-old son but the relationship with his 21-year-old son is strained. "We say hi and bye," she said.

While Carlene's family has welcomed her boyfriend, her best friend thinks she should be with someone younger.

Shauna has not told her mother about the relationship. "I know she would not agree," she said "He's older than my mother and I think he's older than my stepfather.

Names changed on request.

sacha.walters@gleanerjm.com