Ivret Williams

Dear Counsellor:

I met a guy three months ago and we have been dating non-stop. To be honest, we see and talk to each other all the time. I am 24 years old and he is 28.

I have two friends who keep telling me that I do not have any time for them. However, it is just that this guy and I have so much to talk about. He says that my friends are jealous of us. What is your opinion on the matter?

- Andrea

Dear Andrea:

There are two kinds of dating. There is inclusive dating and there is exclusive dating. Inclusive dating means you are relating to others and others are included in the date. This type of dating gives persons the opportunity to observe the person in whom they are interested in the company of others.

Exclusive dating means that it is just the two of you and you are serious about each other. With exclusive dating, persons can become entangled in a serious relationship without taking the time to get to know the other person. This can result in an overdependence on the other person. In the event that the relationship ends, the person may have a difficulty moving on.

The exclusiveness of the relationship may result in persons losing valuable friends. There is nothing wrong with an exclusive relationship if you are sure this is the person you want to spend your life with.

Based on the length of time that you have known this person, you could use the time to get to know the person in the company of your friends. They may see things about the individual that you may not see. For them to remark on the exclusiveness of your relationship does not mean that they are jealous. One must admit that there could be an element of jealousy, but they may be concerned for you.

To be on the safe side, try to double-date with your friends as often as possible. If your male friend is averse to those suggestions then you should become concerned. You need your friends. Let me add that the sign of a good relationship is that there is not an overdependence on each another to meet most of the relationship needs of the other.

Dear Counsellor:

I have been married for nine months and my husband and I are having conflicts. The problem is, he feels that I am not treating him with respect. I am 30 years old and he is 34. I have a good job and I am not dependent on him for anything.

It was not a problem when we were dating, but now if I need anything, I will buy it and not discuss it with him. He feels offended if he comes in and sees anything that I have bought. He will pout and there are times when he will not talk to me for days. I have tried explaining to him that it is not that I disrespect him, but I am used to buying things for myself and it will take a little time for me to change my behaviour.

Please for some advice.

- Faye

Dear Faye:

I want you to think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. I must admit that there are times when a spouse may surprise another with gifts, but it should not be a constant situation where one spouse feels left out in the decision-making process.

This omission is making your spouse feel that he is not an important partner in the relationship your brain would have been programmed to behave in a particular way, since this is creating conflict in your relationship, then I would advice that you make a concerted effort to include your spouse in your decision-making process.

Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Email ivret.williams@yahoo.com.