Angela Philipps, Contributor

I hate it to break it to you ladies but a tiger rarely, if ever its stripes. In fact, the natural world does not allow it to do so. These large cats that live in the wilds of Asia are not in control of this. So, can men use the same logic? Does nature not allow them to change the way they act? Should we even bother to try and make them into what we want, or ought we to be happy with who they are?

"The tragedy for a woman is that her husband does not change when she marries him. The tragedy for a man is that his wife does change when he marries her."

Women are constantly attempting to mould men into an ideal that, frankly, does not exist. And to be honest, they're so busy doing this that they forget what life and love have to offer them. Most of us females in the western world have fallen prey to this at some time. We might well learn to curb that innate urge, but most ladies simply cannot help themselves.

Shut up sometimes

I think it must be in our genetic make-up to open our big mouths when things don't go our way. Why can't we just shut the hell up sometimes and let men be? If we don't like how the present guy is, then we need to move on until we do find someone who closest fits the bill of our perception of the perfect person. Why waste our time arguing with the wrong lad? Isn't it better to go quietly and calmly? Even if they have done the most dreadful of deeds, there is no worse punishment than to say nothing and move on out. They WILL NOT transform into Prince Charming anyway, so there's little point squandering breath on the subject. There are guys out there with whom we can, and will, 'click' - it is absolutely necessary for us to make ourselves available to these marvellous men whom we will not wish to modify. And if we still can't help ourselves, then the situation has to be carefully looked at. Are we nit-picking? Being too fussy?

"Choose your arguments," is what I tell my girlfriends who are constantly complaining about the boyfriends they have. There are certain things worth discussing and milling through, but there are others which are not worth the effort ... things that will cause more pain if not left well alone.

I have only ever wished to change one boyfriend in my life and that fed an already destructive relationship. I fell in love with what I thought he was, and was disappointed to discover that in reality this human being did not exist. I loved him for who he was, I adored him despite all the wrongs I felt he did, but I definitely wanted those 'wrongs' to be replaced by what I thought I deserved. If only I had picked my quarrels more cautiously. If only I had stood up for who I am and what I believed, and walked away from the first hint of trouble. It would have made life so much more pleasant.

Harmony

It's very hard to remove oneself from the one you love, but if there is little or no harmony between two people then there is barely any chance of it all working out. You cannot change anyone and you shouldn't want to. Yes, a man needs to be prepared to compromise, but a woman also needs to let him be who he is. "You ain't happy with that, get out baby" ... because a tiger will never change its stripes, no matter how much you try to beat him down and justify your complaints.

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com