Ivret Williams

Dear Counsellor:

I have been married for the past three years. Six months ago, I became a Christian and I have noticed that my husband and I have not been as close as before.

He is not a Christian and whenever we discuss the issue, he says that my church has come between us. I have no intention of giving up my faith, but at the same time I do not want to lose my husband.

What should I do?

- Terry-Ann

Dear Terry-Ann:

As you get involved in church activities, it may become quite easy for you to replace him with the church. Strive to make him feel that he is the most important person in your life. Remember, charity begins at home. He may become interested in your faith if he realises that he is not merely an appendage.

Also, make sure that your concept of Christianity does not prohibit you from having fun and enjoying a vibrant sex life. Many persons are not attracted to Christianity because some advertisers give a negative picture of Christianity. Ensure that you continue to have fun with your spouse or he may choose to have fun with someone else. And as you do endeavour to remain as attractive as you possibly can, daily reminding yourself that men are attracted to sight and smell.

Lest I forget, be careful of the prayer meetings that are held in your house. Your husband may not take too kindly having church members in his house calling out his name to God as if he is a heathen. Also, there may be nights when you may want to go to a church meeting and he asks you to stay home. For the sake of your marriage, stay home. That act of staying home may be the motivating factor that may inspire him to join your faith.

Mom against new boyfriend

Dear Counsellor:

I am 20 yearsold and I am having a problem with my mother. I met a young man recently and I took him home to meet my parents. My father was quite polite to him but my mother's behaviour was almost hostile. I was sad because I thought I was doing the right thing, only to have it thrown into my face.

She claims that I am not mature and responsible enough to have a boyfriend. I need your advice.

- Kamoy

Dear Kamoy:

I must admit that many parents are overly protective of their children and some even dread the day when the child decides to move out. If your mother says you are not mature or responsible enough, ask her to explain.

There may be areas that she sees as immature or irresponsible that you may not be aware of. These could be things that you are taking for granted. So now is a good time for you to do a microscopic evaluation of yourself and be prepared to make whatever changes are necessary.

And while you are doing it, ensure that you do not become engaged in any behaviour that could be considered rebellious.

This, however, begs the question, is she in any way to be blamed for your supposedly immature and irresponsible behaviour? Is it that she has not prepared you for the adult world? Many persons have got married or are living in a committed relationship at your age. It is a parent's duty to not only give his or her child roots, but also to give them wings.

Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Email letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com.