KELLY

While talking to a friend the other day, the conversation inevitably came to women and relationships. A very disturbing thought came to me from his chronicles; this whole relationship thing is hard work, man!

If you meet a girl for the first time, most guys recommend you don't behave like she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen; even if she is! Now, I'm sorry but if I lay eyes on a goddess, I am going to say 'wow' fairly audibly and my eyes are definitely going to show it. Poker player I am not.

But the fellow was adamant that women are more interested in men who show very little interest in them. Huh? So you're telling me the way to a woman's heart is to barely look at her face? Sorry, but that doesn't make any sense.

What she wants

Now, according to my amigo, a woman also wants to be with a man who looks like women would want him. Huh? While that makes some semblance of sense, I would like to think a woman would prefer her boyfriend/husband/fiance, not be too appealing to other women. You know, some men are stupid and will leave the steady girl for a new face.

Now, not being an expert on the opposite sex (no man is really), I confided in another old friend who felt women wanted guys who treated them like 'hos' (whores). By now I was totally in vertigo. Therefore, buying little presents, complimenting her on everything and treating her like a lady will get you nowhere. I fail to see how that's possible one guy did relate that a woman, upon hearing he was Jamaican, queried whether he had ever been arrested. When he said no, her face reeked of disappointment. So the bad boys get the girls? I thought that was a myth!

One young woman I know who's getting to her 30s said she doesn't want a guy who, when she says jump, he asks how high. But if that guy says no, won't some consider him uncooperative? Or maybe he should jump when he feels like it? Ok, fine, but what if the time he chooses is inappropriate and just makes him look silly? See, I can't take the possible bad timing scenario, so I just jump from the beginning and get it over with.

Some say don't call a girl too often; others say keep the communication going all the time. Some say open doors and pull out chairs. Others say don't pet women. Like I said, I am totally confused.

So, if there is an easy way out of this chess game we call relationships, please let me know at: daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com.