Angela Phillips, Contributor

Why is it hard for some women to find a man? And when she does, what makes him run away? Is she trying to hold on to him like a bar of soap? Squeeze too hard and it'll slip out of her hand ...

So, are women too clingy?

"YES!" shout the men. "If she just gave me a chance to call her, rather than seeing her 19 missed calls!"

"Yes, BUT!" protest the women. "I wasn't sure he checked his messages," "I thought he might have been in an accident as I hadn't heard from him," "He did say that I was to call him." Or some variation of these!

What about those of us who don't like playing games? We want to make plans, so how do we call them without being accused of being too clingy?

Here's a suggestion: treat the arrangements with the guy as you would with a friend - you'd only call a friend once and if there was no answer, you'd leave one message. If he is not that into you, then he will beat around the bush and make up excuses like, "I'm really busy at work right now," "That sounds great. Let me give you a call later." And if he gets a voice message, he just won't call you back!

If he does like you, then you have taken the pressure off him in two ways - first, you did him the favour of releasing him from 'man's duty' to call, and second, you did it in such a relaxed and easy manner that he doesn't feel claustrophobic.

The woman who does this - you have started out on the right foot.

So how does it all go wrong?

Warning: These things will frighten men away (and make you seem too clingy).

Leaving your 'stuff' at his house.

Allocating him a drawer at your house, in which he can leave his 'stuff'.

Asking him to stay in with you on a boys' night.

Showing up on a boys' night.

Rushing over to him whenever he is talking to another woman.

Draping yourself all over him so everyone knows you're his girlfriend.

Telling him to go shopping with you rather then playing golf.

Giving him a key to your front door.

Asking him for a key to his front door.

Inviting his parents for dinner at your house.

Suggesting that you need couple's therapy.

Being jealous of his ex- girlfriends, female friends, sisters and his mother!

Cleaning his house from top to bottom - if you must clean something, clean his kitchen!

Don't do these things, ladies - don't even think about doing them. If you feel a desperate urge to do any of the above, call a friend! All you friends out there - beseech her not to do it - talk to her all night if you have to!

Which leads me to the question: Why are women too clingy? My theory is that women do not understand men. Simply put: Men need their space - I know, so cliché! But any which way you look at it, it's true. Yes, they like having a woman (or women) in their life, they like the security, and they need to know someone is there for them. But they want all that under their rules, so to speak..

The trouble is, we just can't seem to wrap our heads around this. Insecurities creep into our thoughts like tiny maggots squirming their way into an animal's wound.

It really is quite a horrid aspect of our make-up. A woman needs constant reassurance that her man loves her. She seems to forget all the kind and wonderful things he has done for her when he decides that he wants a few days to do his 'thing'.

Not only does she lose her memory, she becomes slightly psychotic and irrational, and before she knows it, she has completely lost control. And that, my dear friends, is the reason why women are too clingy.

Email angelaphilippsja@ hotmail.com

Should she watch porn with him?

Q: Good day, doc. I have a serious problem with my boyfriend, and I would like your fatherly advice. I have no parents, so I have no one to turn to.

I am 19, doc, and this guy is my first real boy friend. I kind of gave him my virginity last year, and I must say that sex with him has been real good. I am on the Pill, so I don't have to fret about pregnancy.

Also, I think I love him. He is kind and good to me. He does not mess around with other women. Also, he is a little older than me, so he is quite experienced and sophisticated, and he takes good care of me. He has a real good job.

So where is the problem? Well, it is this. A month ago, I caught him looking at porn on the net. It is now clear that he looks at porn sites most days of the week. He has admitted that to me. In fact, he wants me to join him in watching that kind of thing.

I have to admit that I found some of the images on his screen quite exciting. And although I have not told him this, I was quite aroused by seeing lesbian girls. This is making me fret.

Doc, please give me a good advice. Am I really a lesbian? And should I agree to this idea of watching porn with my boyfriend?

A: Well, let me just tell you some facts about the Internet. You may not be aware that it contains huge amounts of pornographic stuff - most of which is available at the click of a mouse. As a result, vast numbers of men are regularly accessing porn websites. One recent survey found that around 40 per cent of males look at these sites quite frequently. So your boyfriend is not unusual.

Personally, I am not too happy about a lot of these websites, since some of them feature violent or dangerous sex practices - often with underage girls. However, it does not sound like your boyfriend is watching anything like that. His main interest seems to be 'straight sex' - plus, maybe a little lesbianism as well.

Now, where Internet porn is concerned, most women have a different attitude from men. It is quite uncommon for females to access these websites. Women tend to think of them as 'foolish' rather than erotic. However, there are quite a few ladies who do not mind glancing at erotic sites with their husbands or boyfriends, in order to 'get turned on.' It could be that you are one of these tolerant women - but do not let yourself be forced into watching something you do not want to look at.

I am sure that you need not fret about getting slightly excited when you saw the lesbian website. Many normal women experience similar emotions. You are clearly not a lesbian.

One final point: I am concerned by the fact that your boyfriend lied to you about what he was doing. This lack of honesty is not a good foundation for a relationship.