Glenford Smith, Contributor

Recounting her experience of having failed final-year history at college, Carlene (name changed) recalls: "I was totally devastated. I cried, and cried, and cried. It was my dream to move on to university, but having failed my major, I knew I could not get into university. It was a feeling of pain mixed with hopelessness. I didn't know what to do."

We all can relate to Carlene's pain of failure; whether it's a failed business, or marriage, or failing to get a job, or getting fired. Many adults who have failed at business or in relationships have chosen to end their lives rather than dealing with the pain of failure. Children, too, who have failed at their GSAT or CXC; or young people who have failed at university have responded similarly.

What can you do when you feel overwhelmed by the pain of failure?

Never give up hope

Realise that everyone fails at some time in life. Everyone has to be prepared to accept failure, to feel the pain, but never give up hope. No matter how hurtful your failure is, the feeling won't last forever. It's a cliché that misery loves company, but there is comfort in knowing that everyone else has felt what you are going through. If they can survive, so can you.

Every failure is an opportunity to learn something. Carlene says, "Failure is tough, but gradually you realise that it works out better for you in the end. By having to resit my subject, I got a much better grade than most people who passed first time around."

Author Zig Ziglar believes that "Knowing how to benefit from failure is the key to success."

Temporary failure is no reason to abandon your goals. It is just the occasion to become more resolute and determined. Chinese sage, Confucius, taught: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." You have what it takes to succeed but you must learn to try again after you fail. A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.

Through perseverance, Carlene is now a final- year history major at the University of the West Indies. She advises those who fail: "Don't give up because you fail. Failure feels terrible but you will feel better and enjoy success if you keep trying."

Falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does.

Glenford Smith is a peak performance & self-esteem coach. Email him at glenfordsmith@yahoo.com.

Give yourself permission to try again. Contributed