Dear Counsellor,

I am bothered by my past. When I was growing up, my father physically abused my mother. It was very difficult for me as I lived in fear of my father killing my mother.

These days I find it difficult to speak to my father but I am very close to my mother. I often wonder why my father behaved in that way. I know I should forgive him and move on with my life but I am having difficulty doing so. I keep reliving the episodes in my mind and so I get depressed at times. I have been to counselling but I think I need ongoing support.

- Marcia

Dear Marcia,

People go to counsellors to deal with painful feelings of the past, present difficulties and future worry. Many people have to seek counselling because of family problems. Children who were traumatised because the father abused mother have to seek therapy at different times in their lives. Some children get counselling as children while others seek help when they are adults.

Please don't feel that you are alone with your sorrows. It is unfortunate that parents sometimes don't get along. Physical abuse in a relationship is tragic and it affects both the victims and the perpetrators. People are victimised directly and indirectly. How is your mother today? Is she happy? Are your parents still together?

Many times because of violence parents separate and the children have to cope with this. The children learn that nobody can be trusted and that the dearest person to them can be the most destructive. Therefore, the issue of trust in their relationships becomes important. Many victims are unable to enjoy a healthy relationship because of fear of abuse.

Living with fear isn't easy, and one needs coping strategies to deal with this. One of the skills you need is to grieve over your losses and to bury the past. You lost an innocent childhood and the ability to trust. By burying the past you will be able to move on with your life. Forgiveness is important and healthy. Seek the help of God to be able to forgive your father.

Your father may still be in need of counselling as the perpetrators of violence are dysfunctional and need help. We oftentimes don't think of the perpetrators as being in need of help and so they lose the chance of making restitution and compensating their victims. Memories are forever but the emotional pain will get less with time.

Depression is treated with medication, counselling and spirituality. We all need support in life and many people need to include their counsellor as part of their support.

Dear Counsellor,

My daughter is nine years old and is unable to read. She gets frustrated easily and has low self-esteem. Every day she asks me when she will be able to read.

- Worried

Dear Worried,

Learning to read is an essential task. There are many people who are unable to read even into adulthood. This is unfortunate as many of these people can learn to read if they are taught. A psycho-educational assessment is needed to differentiate learning disability and mental retardation.

Children learn to read when they have been taught phonics skills. They need to learn the letters of the alphabet, the letter sounds and the ability to encode or decode words. You will need to get a grade one teacher or a special educator to teach her to read.

As the parent, you need to read to your daughter and quiz her about what is read. This will improve her listening skills and her comprehension. Storytelling and story writing is helpful to your daughter as they will improve her vocabulary. Please speak with the class teacher and the principal about the problem. They will be able to direct you along the appropriate path.

One of the causes of reading delay is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The assessment will help to determine whether or not your child has this condition.