Dear Counsellor:

I am in a relationship and, to be honest, I am not happy in it. However, I find it difficult to end the relationship.

Sometimes I share with my friends and some encourage me to end the relationship, others advise me to try and work it out. I do not know if right now I feel I can be bothered. At what point should someone walk away from a relationship?

- Karlene

Dear Karlene:

There are many persons in a similar situation to you. They are unhappy in their relationships but they do not know how to cut the ties and move on.

This could be due to several factors. There is the belief that a woman, in order to feel fulfilled, must have a man in her life. So this woman will remain in an unhappy relationship silently singing, 'a little bit of love is better than no love, and even a bad love is better than no love and any kind of love is better than no love at all.'

Some persons cannot move on because they are dependent on the other person, and for others they do not how to. Lest I forget, there are others who, when they think about how much time, energy and finances they have invested in their relationship, find it hard to let go.

Karlene, of the above reasons does any apply to you? Life is too short to remain in a relationship that is making you unhappy. You might be too young to know the song by Matt Munroe that encourages his friend to 'walk away before you throw your life away.'

Remaining in an unfulfilling relationship is simply that, throwing your life away. I would ask that you dissect your relationship and see what aspect of it is making you unhappy. Sometimes it may be a combination of small things or it may be one big thing. Whatever it is, see if it can be corrected before moving on.

Getting my spouse to lead

Dear Counsellor:

I am in a relationship with this guy and there are times when I think he is too laid back. In most situations in the relationship, I am the one having to be pushing and to be honest with you, sometimes I am simply tired.

We have two children and I would say that most of the successes we have achieved has been due in part to my initiative.

I met another guy recently and I am really attracted to him. He is a 'go-getter' and inspires me. I find him very caring and to be honest, I see myself going places with him.

My concern, however, is my two children because they love their father very much. I would appreciate your advice.

- Mel

Dear Mel:

You are a self-motivator. This strong inner drive in you may override whatever motivation your children's father may have. So after awhile he may have allowed you to 'run things', feeling comfortable in the knowledge that you are capable. This might have resulted in him relinquishing his leadership role in the home.

This does not necessarily mean that he does not care. However, to be always the one pulling and pushing and planning can be emotionally tiring.

I would not advice you to run into the arms of the other man, not only because of the children but this guy may be a fraud. He may be singing all the right songs and playing the right music, but there may not be much substance to him; only time will determine that.

My advice is that you go to a trained counsellor and see how your spouse could be helped in being a better leader in the home.

Ivrett Williams is a counselling psychologist. Email her: letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com or fax: 922-6223.