Daviot Kelly, Staff Reporter
Left: Daviot Kelly. Right: Cindy Wright, Miiss Jamaica Universe 2006, smiles after being crowned. - Winston Sill Freelance Photographer
Last week, I watched a part (a small part) of the Miss Universe 2006 competition on television.
I'm not going to get into how the ladies looked or whether they sounded intelligent. Truth is, I didn't get as far as the interview segment since Jamaica's Cindy Wright didn't make the top 20 and I had better things to do with my time, like sleep!
I sincerely hate beauty pageants! While they serve some purpose (giving the ladies exposure and all that), I just don't sit glued to the television. Sure, the swimsuit section is okay for the eyes but there's something that bothers me about the whole two or three-hour spectacle. The choreographed dance, the flag waving supporters (What is this, a football game?) and the fact that the host nation is at least in the top 10, all bother me! Then there's always some annoying, unequivocally gay commentator drooling about the contestants and some boring, no-name entertainers taking up precious time.
Tedious
I'm not saying participating in these competitions is easy. The grooming, the rehearsals, the interviews; how tedious! Even a typical fashion show is painful to watch! Seeing ladies walk in death-trap high heels, wearing outfits they would not buy for their worst enemies and keeping this dead calf stare on their faces as they strut the catwalk isn't my ideal evening out!
I sympathise with the participants though, because of the million interviews after the competition, the 'appearances' at parties when they'd rather be at home and the promotion of products which they don't, have never, and will never use! But while I feel it for the ladies, I wouldn't be me if I didn't take a swipe at male models!
For 'experts' to tell me that I can't be a model because I'm not at least five foot ten and look like (a) I haven't eaten in days or (b) I do 1,000 sit-ups a day is ludicrous! And the hair! Afro, braids and fully bald! In my estimation, an Afro just provides camouflage for small insects and braids look like running lanes for lice! The bald look I can live with because it means at least the barber didn't starve to death!
While some of these guys are actually down-to-earth, they're not the type who regular guys like me like to hang out with. Obviously, all the ladies' eyes will be on him, all the whistles will be for him, nobody will remember you, other than as a brethren of his, and, well, you get the point!
I have come to the conclusion, therefore, that there should be no more pageants and fashion shows for me please. I think I'm allergic to beauty!
