Dear Counsellor:

I have been married for six years and I have one child. Lately, my husband has been staying out late and has become verbally abusive. We have been to counselling and things haven't improved. I am thinking of filing for divorce.

-Sharmaine

Dear Sharmaine:

Divorce is a final step when a marriage has died. Many marriages are falling along the wayside and divorce is the popular choice among couples. I think you should seek the help of a marriage counsellor again to mediate the problem. Staying away from home is usually a sign that something is wrong. Whenever there are differences between couples, they start avoiding each other and communication breaks down.

Verbal abuse is unkind and evil and should not be tolerated. Couples need to be respectful, kind to each other, and hold each other in high esteem. Whenever there is loss of respect then poor communication becomes a part of the problem. Individuals will have conflict among themselves. However, if each individual recognises and accepts the fact that he/she should take the other's feeling into consideration, then conflict resolution is easier.

Divorce has a lot of problems associated with it. An individual will have to deal with financial and emotional losses. It is usually a bitter struggle as each person is angry and vindictive. Divorce can have a very negative impact on couples and so is usually the choice of last resort.

If you are able to resolve your problems through counselling then you would have chosen the lesser evil. If you are a part of a church then marriage enrichment should be a part of church life. Couples need guidance to steer them along the right path and so routinely should have sessions with a marriage counsellor.

Whatever your choice, I hope it's the best option for you and your child.

Dear Counsellor:

I have been employed in the same job for the last 10 years without promotion. I have now become bitter and frustrated and I am contemplating resigning from my job.

-Marjorie

Dear Marjorie:

We all need an occupation to keep us busy and contribute to our upkeep. It is unfortunate that you are dissatisfied with your job and feeling unfulfilled. A lot has been written about work and the workplace, but the workplace can be a great stressor to an individual. Having gone to college and doing courses to keep ourselves updated, one assumes that this will get one the promotion that one deserves and desires. What I have realised is that each situation has to be personalised. The culture of the country and the organisation has to be considered as this is very important. When you network with your co-workers you may get information that is useful to you.

I am sure that you joined that organisation to move up through the ranks. Maybe it is time to move on to another job or another career. These days one has to be flexible in one's choice of work. As they say, you have to be multi-skilled and able to transfer and apply knowledge to different situations. It would be in your best interest not to broadcast the fact that you are considering resigning as this can be used against you. If you are seeking alternative employment then this should be done without the knowledge of your employer. You should still do your best at work as you may need recommendations and there is no guarantee of the other job.

Whenever you start hating your job, you should start examining yourself and check out your options. You may become depressed and stressed and need to take a vacation to get a new perspective on things. Decision-making is not easy but with knowledge and problem-solving techniques, you can survive.