- PHOTO BY MARLENE MCPHERSON
Andrea Petergay Williams with her children, from left, Paul Barrett, 10, Nicole Stephens, 11 and Nikoy Kisto, four.
Marlene McPherson, Outlook Writer
IT'S MOTHER'S Day, when we usually show our appreciation for mom and applaud the ever challenging work she does. But there are some mothers today, who will not get any such attention as they are hurting and in some cases, alone.
Outlook visited four mothers and spoke about their hurt recently. Three of them will remain anonymous but one has unashamedly identified herself.
The first mother has been in more than one abusive relationships. However, her last one was very brutal as her children suffered all types of abuse and the scars remain with them, mentally and physically tattooed.
" The abusive male partner I had caused me to hurt. Reports about his behaviour were made to the police who were very helpful. I consistently ran him away and told him if he did not leave I was sure to kill him. Eventually he heeded."
Outlook allowed her children who were present to talk about their experiences .
"I feel like I would kill him (stepfather) and sometimes I would visit him; because he does good things like he buys ice cream; When mommy just met him and she went off to work one morning, he beat my sister (because she) 'wet the bed' and he beat her saying that she must stop.
"Another time he used a plastic chair and hit her in her head repeatedly. He used the same chair and hit her in her mouth and two of her teeth broke. She cried and I felt sad. He would put four belts together and hit me with them across my back - sometimes for no reason." All these cases the 10-year-old, who is the eldest, recalled.
Her problems get worse.
"I am battling with AIDS and I do not have anyone to support me so I am having life very hard. I used to beg but the Lord has provided friends and neighbours to help. Right now I still need financial help. I can do office attendance or day's work."
TUMOUR
When Outlook asked the children how they felt about their mother's illness, the response from her eldest daughters was: "Sometimes I feel sad, looking and seeing that she is gonna die and I will not have any mother. I feel God is going to keep her from dying." The 10-year-old's sister seemed reserved. She prefers to be by herself. Her mother is concerned, moreso about a tumour her younger daughter has in her mouth. She is now awaiting the result of the biopsies.
Another hurting mother was a divorcee.
"I hurt most when I was diagnosed with 'panic disorder' due (in her case) to spousal emotional abuse. This came from having a partner who would not effect the plans we had for the betterment of our lifestyle."
During the period, she said, she became pregnant. Her husband began coming in late and the children were anxious about not seeing him. She would make excuses for him and sometimes became very angry. She said she was sick as well as emotionally distraught, and her intelligent and observant daughter would ask her probing questions.
'Why is your hand 'kotching' up your face? I know you're worrying. Have you forgot how to pray?'
Mom continued: "The pain was more excruciating when I was physically and verbally abused two weeks before the birth of my unborn, whose life was threatened by a rare medical condition which would warrant surgery within five days of birth. The condition of which I speak was the second being encountered by the gynae/obstetrician who had been in the practice for many years. In the first instance, the baby died. This was not a comfort to a mother in deep depression. The panic attacks were more frequent as the depression soared. Thank God my miracle baby is alive and well today no surgery was needed."
For our third mother, her pain was not the result of an abusive and unfeeling spouse but by a child hooked on drugs.
"My problems started when my eldest son started using marijuana," she said. "He has graduated from marijuana to cocaine. He has been in and out of drug treatment facilities, many times in jail and prison. He is multi-skilled and is in his late 30s. I feel embarrassed. Sometimes I wish I'd wake up and find that this is a dream not a reality. I feel society looks down on me as a failure. I too believe that I am a failure, sometimes I search myself to find out what I have done or not done. My faith in God is the only thing keeping me."
Andrea Petergay Williams is our fourth mother. She is 37 years old and has four children. Her eldest is 19. She is hurting because she is a single parent.
"I am alone with the children. Nuff time mi sit down and cry. Sometimes the children are unable to go to school."
All these mothers represent different strata of the society and the thing that they have in common, apart from the fact that they are mothers is the pain they have endured and continue to endure.
