Amina Blackwood Meeks
NOW WHEN big English people do dat what dem expeck? Anybody in dem right mind can mek Likkle Miss Jing Bang Ambassador of anything? Well big University people fram Hingland decide sey she is not simply Ambassador she is Honorary Ambassador of de Jamaican Langwidge. JB herself doan exackly know what de honorary fah, because as far is she is concerned Ambassador is jus Amabassador. Aldoagh she sey maybe it mean to imply sey some Ambassador just wear de tikle an do not do a ting wid it or some Ambassador are more deserving of de titkle of honour dan addas. Well, I did not pursue dat line of reasoning wid har for nex ting she mekking a secret tape of me fe go sey me sey an chu puss an dawg do not have de same luck, an me nuh have no fren inna high society, me nuh badda test my own.
UNCLE NAME SAM
So hear de story now. JB sey some different colour people who never come to Jamaica yet, stay which part dem ded an put awn dem spy-glass and search har out. Tan a dem yard an know everythig bout har. Den baps, she dey at har yard minding har own business when lo an behole wan ting come inna har computer fe sey dem a have something up into abraad where dem is an dem want har fe come talk. Well, she love talk but she glad fe talk jus so, she sen go ask dem how comes dem know bout har. For she hear sey dem have wan Uncle name Sam and whereas she did have a Uncle wid de same name too him never wan day mention sey him have no children up into dat part of farin so she doagh tink she an dem relate. An all during the back an fort pan de computer dem kean gi har no rightful ansa so she tap ansa what dem want to ask har. She sey wan day, up pops wan email bout dem is reminding har to provide a certain information. JB sey she decide fe dun wid dem now, so she sen back go sey "Master Barry, ef you were bilingual in Jamaican, yussi ah wudda tell yu a good Jumakan phrase. For yu neva sen me nuh firs reques. Den ow comes it dat yu accuse me of nat responding an den come-come sen me bout reminder?
Caramba. She sey quick time she get a ansa in a different language. De man write back an sey, "You know I think that the email that we sent the first request to kept spitting back at us as being undeliverable, so I guess it just never got through to you. Anyway." An him apologise an sen de reques proper now. So JB sen de reply wid a lovely preamble. Hear har now like how she bilingual, "Happy to see that you are fluent in Jamaican ... thanks for everything." De smaddy really decide fe show off now and sen har a solid one-liner whey sey "Yah mon we cool wid Jamakan, aldo we no good wit de spelin..."
She sey a dey she know sey da Uncle Sam dey an fe him offspring dem know everyting fe true. For de smaddy never set foot yahso yet, fe dem skin never get likkle Jamaica sun an dem stay whey dem stay a correspond wid har inna langwidge. As far as she know de closest ting to how she talk which part him deh, dem wudda call it African American Vernacular English an she certain sure him daily life nuh tek him nowhere near de African or de Vernacular part of it. But de man have sense. Him know sey langwidge is a tool an him put Jamaica langwidge inna him toolbox of globalisation an set out, for as long as him want something from we, him cannot get it if him kean talk meck we undastan. An if we ever try samfie him wid any St. Elizabeth talk him gat we number.
NUH STANDARD SPELLIN'
So Jing Bang wants to know how come summuch Jamaican people love talk bout how de langwidge so difficult fe read an it nuh have nuh standard spellin an furdemore de speakin of it blighted dem prospects. She sey she ketch one a dem into a supermarket wan day a read one tin an a cuss how we tek we good farin exchange gane import sardine from Russia. So she tell de smaddy fe stap spread propoganda for de days of trying fe push communism dung people choat is long gane. De smaddy prove har wrang by pinting out de Russian writing pan de tin. Prekkeh! Dem a spell an pronounce Russian, learning a langwidge affa Supermarket shelf, but wudden try fe read one word of Jamaican outa newspiapa or storybook or even wan a Miss Lou poem.
Whey yu wudda call dat? JB sey she call it shame a yuself. Shame till yu need wan nedda smaddy langwidge fe identify yuself. For even fe har likkle bird brain know sey langwidge is a critical part of how yu tell de world who yu is. An if yu can sey yu a smaddy who value de importance of Russian till yu inna supermarket an teach yuself, how come yu kean meck de effort fe learn Jamaican? JB sey maybe is because dem was in Dat Supermarket all de same. Den again maybe dem jus doan place no real value pan tings Jamaican, or pan de 90 per cent of Jamaican who talk an write so dat Barry who never come here yet can stay up into America an read an spell what dem have to sey. What a prekkeh.
PUBLIC SECTOR TRANSLATORS
Yu tink is only hup into America dis likkle racket a run. Jing Bang sey furder hup into quite a Hingland, Missis Queen University of Birmingham is certifying people into Jamaican, run big course. And den, dem-deh who qualify now get big wuk as Public Sector Translators of de said wud an phrase dem what we dash whey. Yes dem hup a Hingland a translate into hospital, prison and nuff adda public sector entities so dat Hinglish people can get inna Jamaican people head an teck out what dem want out of it. De job dem pay big big money. An nuff Jamaican people cudden get dem job an status dere into dat de globalised economy for dem above de Jamaican langwidge, leff it gane force dem mout roun Russian pan sardine tin inna Dat Supermarket. Heheheee. JB sey when Uncle Sam an de Queen lick fe dem head togedda an decide how fe teck out what dem want outa fe head, dem already undastan sey if it come into fe dem langwidge dem lose de essence a what me mean an a de essence dem want. De way we talk an fashion words and phrase is fundamental to how we interpret reality. None a de hundred an sinting different kind a Hinglish kean contain de Jamaican worldview.
Yes, JB sey she get fe fine out sey is bout hundred an sinting different kind a Hinglish deh bout Massa God worl. Into Hingland itself she sey dem have British English, East Anglian English, Hiberno English, Highland English, Mid Ulster English, one long list a English before dem list sinting name Standard English. As to Uncle Sam him have bout forty kind a English per state.
JB sey when she teck it an look pan it de attitude dat we tek to we langwidge is rooted deeply into de TransAtlantic Slave Trade an de miggle massage lick whey we get fe de audacity fe try fine a way fe talk when adda else people a try cut out we tongue. She put dat pan fe har bicentenary agenda what we have to do in order to reach a point fe celebrate Jamaica Talk, right yah so a yard before it tuns exotica abroad an need ambassadorial representation.
