WHAT DO you believe? Well we have known relatives who have parted company over this critical question. So deeply held are religious views that they are one important issue which must be examined before taking the decision to share living space, especially for the long haul.
Religion is the final issue in our Christmas counselling series which we have chosen to mark the time of year when, curiously, most Jamaicans choose to marry. A hairsbreadth from the New Year, many feel compelled to do the deed. Right on, we say, but at least consider carefully what you are doing before waking on your honeymoon, or even 20 years later, with a severe case of 'I made a mistake' shakes.
Marriage should not be entered into for reasons of status, for material aggrandisement or for other unfortunate reasons. Marry for one reason only because you have found a friend to whom you are deeply attracted and who also shares your values and goals in life.
Religious views
It is the issue of shared values to which we turn this week as we discuss with counselling psychologist Dr. Barry Davidson the trauma that can result when couples wake up to find that they despise each other for their religious and other philosophical views.
The issue of religion rests not only on whether or not you share the same philosophical and doctrinal beliefs, but also on to what extent you intend to apply scriptural principles to your every day lives, especially if you call yourselves believers.
According to Dr. Davidson, the Biblical view of marriage is neither a romantic partnership, nor a voluntary contractual partnership, but, instead, a covenantal partnership in which male and female are committed to "total care of each other and to exclusive sexual relations with each other".
Christian couples, he says, should have an awareness of what God expects of marriage.
Marriage is the heated crucible in which many characters are refined and those who enter it would do well to hold on to Christian practices including humility, forgiveness and selfless or sacrificial love. These habits of mind will soothe many a quarrel and end disputes.
A man who wants to be head of his house, as decreed by the Bible, should also make sure that he is growing spiritually and not in a backslidden states, notes Dr. Davidson. At the same time, the wife has a role in keeping her husband healthy spiritually.
The communication between couples will also be enhanced by the process of daily prayer done with each other, the counsellor notes, as couples share concerns and invite the Holy Spirit to cement the union.
Practical issues to be looked at include religious and denominational differences, which church to attend and which church the children will attend.
What is your definition of love? This, the counsellor notes is also critical, as if one believes that love is a romantic feeling instead of a deeply held philosophy of selfless caring, the marriage will sink into many deep pits and maybe stall along the road to lifelong commitment.
Information sourced from 'Before You say I Do' By Dr. Barry Davidson, Family Life Ministries, Kingston.
