You called me dawg, Yet got upset when I acted like one. You never had the time to listen to me, Yet cursed when I found someone who did.
Ivret Williams, Contributor
THE MONTH of November has been slated as Parents' Month, and focus will be placed on helping parents in the task of parenting. And a mighty task it is. One goes to the store to buy an iron and it comes with a manual.
However, after nine months and sometimes with 'hard labour', a parent goes home with a bundle of joy but without any instructions as to what to do. The question that plagues many parents is, what can I do to make this bundle of joy an asset, not only to the family but to society as well?
The first question that I would like a parent to honestly answer is, did you really want this child? If initially you did not want this child then there is the strongest possibility that the child will know.
A child's development begins while the child is in the womb. Research has shown that the child can experience rejection from the womb. Research shows that when a rejected child is born, he or she will cry more often than a child who was wanted and in addition than that child tends to be more sickly and will give more trouble than a child who was wanted.
Looking at your child
Your child is here, when you look at your child, what do you see? Do you see a star, a diamond, or so much resemblance to the absentee father that you get angry every time you look at the child? What you see will determine what you do with what you see. A baby is like a tender plant that needs loving care and attention.
As a parent, you need to create a loving environment for your child to grow. As a parent, you control the temperature in your home. Is your home warm enough to produce healthy growth and development?
Many parents are unaware of the effects of constant bickering in the life of a child. Anger between adults puts stress on young children and tends to make them angry.
Spend time with your child, especially when they are young and trainable. This is the ideal time to instil your standards in your children. Develop a bond with your child. Bonding comes about by frequency of contact. So the more time you spend with your child, the closer you will be. Children need attention. If you do not give it to them, they will do things to get it.
Many children do things at home and at school in order to get attention. Upon investigating, this child is left on his or her own and as such, the child is starving for attention. Do not substitute material things for your time and attention. Talk to your children and take time to listen to them. Listen not only with your ears but also with your eyes.
When you ask certain questions, does the child turn away his or her face before answering you? There are many things that the body language will say that the words will not. Also, be an unobserved observer. Observe them without them knowing. You would be surprised at what you will learn. It is sometimes very hard for a child to say no to friends who are pressuring him or her if he or she has parents who are unavailable.
Teaching honesty
Teach your child honesty and let that child see honesty in you. A child who has been taught to be honest may not end up in prison for fraud. Do not lie to your child and do not encourage your child to lie for you. Encourage your child to tell you the truth at all times. Let your child see integrity in you.
Integrity is your words and your actions matching. As you teach them honesty, let them know the value of money. Have 'round table' talks with your child and discuss family finances. He or she will have a greater appreciation when you say you cannot afford an item that he or she wants. And even if you can, do not give your child everything he or she asks for.
Teach your child to be courteous. Words like, 'thank you', 'please', 'excuse me' should be everyday words in their vocabulary. If your child does not have respect for others, that same disrespect may be shown to you. And by the way, give respect to your child. If you are in the wrong, do not see yourself as too big to apologise to your child.
A child who sees a parent apologising for an error will be quick to do so as an adult. And do not play favourites with your children. Many parents play favourites with their children because of the colour of the child's skin.
This results in many darker-skinned children being made to feel unwanted. And under no circumstance should you compare your child with other siblings or with your friends' children.
Every time you compare your child to someone else, you are telling your child that he or she is lesser than. Every child is unique, discover that uniqueness and respect it.
Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Send enquiries and comments to letstalkrelationships @yahoo.com. Check the Saturday Gleaner for the answers that Ivret Williams has for the questions you ask about your relationships.
