Ivret Williams
Dear Counsellor:
I am a Christian and I have a male friend who is not a Christian. At first I resisted the relationship because he was not a Christian, but his caring and considerate ways won me over. He would like us to get married, but my parents, who are Christians, say that they would not give their blessings to the union because we would be unequally yoked. Although he visits church with me sometimes, he insists that he will not become a Christian to please anyone. My question is: Do you think this relationship will work with me being a Christian and he is not.
Simone
Dear Simone:
I must first say that I believe that unequal yoke is not just in a religious sense. Two persons can be unequally yoked socially as well as intellectually. It is interesting to note that initially you resisted the relationship. Did you change your mind because he wore you down with his "caring and considerate ways" Many persons have been "won over" by "caring and considerate ways" only to realise afterwards that it was all a game. The Bible, from which you derive your mandate for living, admonishes that a believer should not be joined to a non-believer. Your focus would not be the same and Christian values that you would hold dear, may not be important to him. He may not be comfortable at a Christian convention, while you may be uncomfortable in a dancehall setting. Remember "two cannot walk except they agree". Another deterrent to your relationship is the reluctance of your
parents to agree to this union. Research has indicated that whenever parents are not in agreement with a marriage, it has a greater likelihood of failing. My advice to you is to wait. "Good things come to those who wait".
Is he married?
Dear Counsellor:
I have been in a relationship for the past 14 months and everything was going fine. My boyfriend comes to my house sometimes on a Saturday and will stay the night. I do not see him during the course of the week as he said that he works late and cannot make it to my house. I have never been to his house and whenever I ask about where he lives he claimed that he lives with his mother and she does not like people coming to her house. He is 35 years old and I am 40 and I have suggested that we live together and he claimed that he was not ready to live with a woman permanently. My friends are saying that they think he is married, which is why he cannot invite me to visit him at his house. There are times when I think so, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I feel confused. I would really appreciate your advice.
Marva
Dear Marva:
Although we should give persons the benefit of the doubt, your friend's actions seem very wary. From all odds he seems to be either in a committed relationship or is married. I believe you should put the ball in his court by telling him the way you feel and let him respond. He may, in defence of himself, take you to his mother's house, or may feel pressured and end the relationship, claiming that he cannot deal with a woman who cannot trust him. If there is no future to the relationship, it is better to count your losses now and move on, than remain in a relationship that may be heading nowhere.
Wife complains
to relatives
Dear Counsellor:
I am having a problem with my wife. Whenever we have a problem she tells her family. I do not like that and every time I talk about it she claims that she does not see anything wrong with it. I have heard her on the phone telling them things about the marriage and although I have spoken to her many times about it she still does it saying that she does not have anyone else to talk to. I do not tell my family our problems and I do not think she should. Am I wrong in thinking that she should not?
Carlton
Dear Carlton:
Your wife has not denied that she shares personal information with her family. However, she feels that she does not have anyone to talk to. She may be sharing things with family members in order to get the things "off her chest" as she may feel that she is not getting through to you. Also, you may be aborting your conflicts and she may feel that she is not being heard and her side of the story is not getting any attention. I must congratulate you on keeping your marital affairs private and I do agree with you that she also should do the same. Unfortunately, if she does not have the opportunity to vent at home, then she will find an outlet to do so.
Ivret Williams is a
counselling psychologist.
Email her at:
letstalkrelationships@yahoo.com or editor@gleanerjm.com
