Ivret Williams, Contributor
MANY SINGLE persons are of the belief that marriage is essential to their wholeness. As such, they will bypass both opportunities and responsibilities until these can be shared with a life partner. The one half waiting for the other half to make them into a whole person, waiting for the day when someone will come along and get their engines going.
Unfortunately, this tendency to suspend life for a very unsure future can become a detrimental pattern of life in which one forfeits many enriching experiences. That is so foolish, because let us face it, some persons will never get married.
You are single - so what? However before you can reach the 'so what' stage you must first accept the fact that singleness is not a curse. Having accepted that, you then begin to live.
As a single person what consumes your thoughts? The quality of your life will be dependent on the quality of your thoughts. You are what you think. So the relationship ended? Are you going to mourn all the days of your life? You have stopped living while the other person is having a 'whale of a time'. Shake off the dust and move on. So you failed your final exam, one failure does not make you a failure. Accept your failure and move on.
Failure is not final. Do not judge your future by the past or the present. Your present position is not your final position. And by the way, are you actualizing your dream or that of your parents? You might have failed that exam because it was not your dream. You would never wear hand-me-down clothes so why are you comfortable sporting hand-me-down dreams?
Take care of yourself
To live a satisfied life means taking good care of yourself and endeavouring to look the best you can. And while you strive to look your best, do not splurge on clothes while your food cupboards are empty. If you are malnourished the clothes will not hang properly on your body. Remember you are what you eat. Eat right so your body will have the ammunition it needs to function well.
To be single and satisfied there must be balance. Do not put yourself on a treadmill of activities because you cannot be alone. Your body will not lie; if you are tired, it will show in your face. There is no substitute for rest but rest. Most appliances come with a manufacturer's handbook that tells how it is to be used. It will malfunction if it is not used in the way prescribed. Man also comes with a handbook. Research indicates that the body slows down every sixth day. This means that if you continue at the same pace on a Saturday as on other days you are pushing your body beyond its capabilities. Slow down, for as a popular slogan says, 'the life you save may be your own'.
Added to the balance, is there variety and colour to your life? Every single person should endeavour to be like a river, going places and having new experiences. Do not be like a pond with nothing flowing in or out. A pond stagnates. The song of the river is sweeter than that of a pond and a person will become attracted to a river much quicker than a pond. Also a weary traveller will stop to quench his/her thirst from a flowing stream.
Emotional wounds
As a single person, are you searching for love in all the wrong places? This may be happening because you are nursing emotional wounds and these are affecting the way you view yourself. A person who is hurting in the leg cannot walk properly, an injury to the mouth will impair speech and a wounded heart will affect your ability to love. So before you search for love, get healing for your wounds.
As a single person exercise caution in how you spend your money. Some single persons are constantly in debt because they live above their means. Debts will keep you awake at nights. Discipline yourself to walk away from some things. Remember 'de shine eye gal'. And by the way, learn a skill. A skill will come in handy in the event that you are laid off from your job.
It is natural and normal for a single person to desire a mate, to be close with someone when the rain-drops are coming down but the male-female ratio shows that there are more eligible women than men. A man will quicker find a wife than a woman a husband. So what will the single ladies do? Cry yourself to sleep while the world passes you by? Have pity parties with other single people? Definitely not! You have only one life, enjoy it to the full.
Ivret Williams is a counselling psychologist. Send enquiries and comments to letstalkrelationships @yahoo.com Check the Saturday Gleaner for the answers that Ivret Williams has for the questions you ask about your relationships.
